Month: January 2020

Keeping your bedroom a relaxing place

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Home Stuff, lifestyle, Mental health

Daily distractions can get in the way of sleep so it’s best to keep your room a calm and relaxing space. It’s quite easy to keep your bedroom your zen zone and somewhere you enjoy crawling into after a long day.

First of all you want to decorate it how you like. You don’t want it over cluttered with art work and colours but a little bit here and there to make it your safe space is what you need. Black out curtains really help to keep the room both warm and dark so that streetlights and sunlight doesn’t disturb your slumber. Do you have a white noise box? No need plug in a Alexa or a google home and request sleep sounds and you’ll be golden for a calming ambience. Pillow sprays are a great way to uplift your mood and calm you down. The same way as essential oils in a diffuser can help calm the room. Mood lighting is great so a few led candles and fairy lights can make the world of difference from a bright light. Is your pillow comfortable? Do you need to change it for something more comfy and is your duvet warm enough or do you need a thicker/lighter one. Is your bedding soft or is it scratchy? The way you wash and dry your sheets can have a big effect on your comfort. I find the best way is to dry my bedding on a door frame overnight so the smell stays, it doesn’t go stiff from the outside and feels soft.

What are you doing when you go to sleep? Are you scrolling through Facebook looking at memes in bed for hours? Are you listening to pop music before getting your zees? You need to keep your bedroom your calm room. Somewhere for sleep. If you’re in bed the only reading you should do should be a book. And the only music should be calming if anything atall. You want to calm yourself for bed not hype yourself up. Are you watching tv in bed every night and then struggling to sleep, turn your tv and try to keep it to downstairs. The odd film in bed here or there doesn’t hurt but getting into a habit of technology in the bedroom before bed can really make your brain go into overdrive before bed.

Are you relaxed? Have you had a night time routine of self care? Be it a bath or washing your face and taking your time to carry out your skin care routine before bed. Are you taking your time going to bed and going at a similar time each night? Going to bed at the same night I very night can really help your brain to know when it’s time to nod of and routine is key. Try to make a list of things causing you anxiety before bed and act on it in the morning so you don’t go to bed with a big todo list and stress for the next day.

Your room should be your zen palace and somewhere you only sleep or sometimes chill in. Remember sometimes if you suffer insomnia these things work but not always from one insomniac to another anything is worth the try right? Enjoy your room, enjoy your sleep and enjoy your life!

Why I love the toddler stage

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, parenting

When people ask me what my favourite stage of Elijah growing up is I always say now. Maybe it’s because I love watching him grow up every day but more because I love how he is developing into such a sweet young boy.

The toddler stage may have its many TESTING and stressful moments as they learn to navigate both their emotions and learning process, but it also has its amazing moments too. Such as learning to talk more. Elijah’s vocabulary has come on so well and he loves nothing more than sharing that and whatever he learns with everyone else. I love that he has learnt to sing whole songs and keep a rhythm and is quite a good singer to be honest. I love that we’re exploring more grown up things like adventuring out without a buggy more and going to the cinemas.

I love that he’s developing his own sense of character. He is funny and try’s to be cheeky and has so many facial expressions and voices for things which I can’t help but chuckle at. I love that he wants to involve everyone in his play more now and wants to show everything and talk you through it. I love that everyday we have more complex conversations and he understands more and more. I love that he’s more direct and tells me who he wants to see everyday and what he wants to do for the day. I love that he’s getting a good memory and can remember things from the other day and talks about it again. I’m enjoying him learning more skills and manors such as tidying up and always saying please and Thankyou now without prompt.

What I watched in January!

by Charlie-Jane, posted in lifestyle

The month after Christmas is a long, cold one here in the uk. So it’s obvious that a lot of time is going to be spent cosying up infront of the tv finishing of the remainder of the Christmas treats. So what have I been doing watching now that’s it’s kind of not acceptable to watch soppy Christmas films anymore? Here’s a short list!

Thirteen: something that’s been in my watch list for a long time is thirteen. Thirteen is a series with the star from killing eve Jodie Comer. It follows a girl called ivy who is kidnapped at 13 years old and escapes 13 years later. It’s a thrilling series as you find out what happened to her and also as the police try to investigate where her killer is. It’s interesting seeing how she fits back into the world and how she handled being hold captive for so long. It’s five episodes long and great acting as always from Jodie! You can find it on bbc I player.

The quiet place. Everyone’s heard of this film where basically the world is taken over by aliens and everyone has to be silent or killed. We watched this about a year ago but for some reason or another didn’t finish it. We gave it another shot and concentrated on the film and it turned out to be a really good film. It’s interesting to see where they will go with the next film but it’s a film you have to concentrate on. As they use sign language to communicate you kind of need to read the subtitles at all times.

New Amsterdam series 2. The new series hit prime and its one I’ve been so excited for. I waited so long for it to return so when I saw it was available I was so excited. New Amsterdam is a medical series which follows a team of doctors in a drama packed series. The main character max is director of the hospital and has all these whacky ideas to help the hospital while also going to have chemotherapy for himself. It has a bit of a greys anatomy feel which is probably why I love it so much but it is different to greys so it gives it a little edge. It’s nice to see a series that shows different things and also shows the poverty side of American healthcare. You see people that can’t afford treatment whereas barely happens on greys anatomy.

You season 2. Personally after the first series I had really high hopes for this series and they did not disappoint. I think I actually liked this series more than the first. Sure he’s still a psycho but it’s so interesting to watch and see what happens with joe and his future. It goes a bit more in depth this series into joe and his past to try and make you understand why he is who he is. You see how he try’s to be a good person but he is still joe, the stalker guy next door. We follow in his quest for love and to be loved and his fight with himself everyday. I won’t give anything away but this is one binge worthy series you can’t stop.

The Witcher. A Netflix original on a game my husband adores and has spent many, many hours playing. You don’t need to know the story to get into it and it’s such a good watch. The series follows Geralt our hero and his quests. He hunts monsters for a living basically but he’s got quite the soft side and is on the right side of the moral compass. You also meet many other characters and love them too such as Yennefier. With magic and charm it has so much quality’s leaving me wanting more. It has nothing to do with the addictive songs by his sidekick Jaskier. The timeline is a bit hard to follow but that’s the only downside I found.

Watching some films with my toddler we got a lot more films he can now tolerate so here’s a few he has really enjoyed. Trolls, it’s colourful and has a lot of singing which he loves and we kind of like it too. The live action jungle book. He loves animals so adores watching the animals talk. My mum used to say I was obsessed with older live action version too when I was a young child. Finding nemo, elijah is starting to enjoy the world of the ocean so he loves all the colours and different animals. Charlottes web, he adores the farm and anything with animals talking in so this is a firm favourite we will try babe next after this films success.

Well I hope you’ve enjoyed my dribble and might find something new to watch from my recommendations!

Why i love kindle unlimited

by Charlie-Jane, posted in books, lifestyle

Since getting my new kindle it’s been no secret I’ve been reading a lot more ebooks than I normally would. However since buying my kindle I still read paper copy’s too. There’s something about a new book that excites me to no end. But one thing I don’t really do is read outside of my comfort zone. I don’t experiment and read something random I have to really want a book to spend money on it. But I have felt this has hindered my chance to read good books as I have so heavily limited myself in the past.

This was until I decided to give kindle unlimited a try. Kindle unlimited is a very large ever growing collection of ebooks you can read and then return to read different ones. You don’t have to buy each individual book and you don’t have to have a ever growing collection. Instead you just pay a set price a month which doesn’t exactly break the bank and is only really the cost of one new book a month.

Since purchasing kindle unlimited i have read lots of new books I would not normally of read. I have read different genres and haven’t just stuck to what is popular and in the shop window with a pretty little front cover. I’ve took the time to read the blurb and decided there and then if I’m interested to read it. My favourite thing is not that I get to read different things but that I get to return them so I don’t take up loads of space in either my kindle or my ever growing bookshelf/magazine holders/ spaces on the floor/any stack of books on a surface collections. I also love that I can read the books anywhere so if I forget my kindle I can read on my phone or anything that has the app and my amazon log In.

I’m excited to read more and find more books that I wouldn’t normally read and get lost in the adventure that is reading.

I identify myself as a mum and that is okay.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, lifestyle, parenting

One thing that had came up several times in counselling is the feeling that I have lost my self identity. When my counsellor asked me “if I could describe myself what would I say?” and I said probably I’m just a mum. In itself it is not a bad thing but sometimes I feel like all identity has been stripped from myself because I am a mum now. In the simple fact that people ask about my child before me, my life is just a constant cycle of raising a child and when people ask me what I’ve been up to I can’t really tell them much that doesn’t involve my child. But I’ve come to think of it as not a bad thing that I identify only as a mum sometimes.

Because truth be told I’m not just a mum to my son. To him I am his whole world. Even if he’s screaming on the floor with frustration that I won’t let him have cake at 6 am in the morning. To him I’m there for him. I am always there for him. I’m there to teach him every little thing he needs to learn and I am there to wipe his tears when he’s sad. I’m there to always make sure he is happy and make memories that will last a lifetime for both of us and to shape him into the boy he will become. Yes my world may of changed and selfishly sometimes I may miss aspects of my independence but I have importance in my existence now. I have created this beautiful little life. He grew inside me, I gave birth to him and I have raised him. I have taught him to walk, talk and anything else that he does. I teach him as much as I can through play and telling him things I know. I get the gift of watching him grow up and sometimes my heart cries at how proud I am of him. I’m not just a mum. I am his mum. That makes me the luckiest person on this planet.

Why I love eating out with you

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, parenting

I love eating out with my little buddy as I think it is so good for not only bonding but I use it as a teaching opportunity. I use it to teach him how to behave in public to not tantrum and how to eat nicely at a restaurant. We use it as a treat for being good being able to eat out and if he’s been really good he may even get a dessert. I love eating out together because I love being able to spend time with him be it just us two or with friends or family. I think it’s really good to help with not only my social anxiety but to get him used to social and public situations.

Elijahs started to sometimes sit at a chair (if tall enough) instead of a high chair and no longer try’s to run away. Sometimes if he’s being a bit grumpy because he is over hungry or tired we get some toys out, do colouring and if everything else fails we allow him to watch educational videos until food arrives. If we’re somewhere child friendly we will go play till dinner time. Elijah knows there is no play or electronics when dinner has arrived and toys and phones go away. He used to have a issue with this but because we always go out he has now support the tantrums.

I love being able to share my love of food with him too and watching him try new things. I love that when we eat out he’s always so excited by his food and shows his appreciation. I do love it when he talks to other people and they smile and wave back. I love trying new places with him and finding out what he may like and don’t like. I love that we go to eat out every weekend as a family of three and love spending time out the house the three of us.

Weekly counselling

by Charlie-Jane, posted in lifestyle, Mental health, Uncategorized

It’s a bit weird thinking about all these things that just randomly come up. Things that have happened to me and I have buried to protect myself. I’m getting to know myself finally. I think I try so hard to protect myself that I don’t even know who I am. It’s been therapeutic being able to be somewhere I feel safe to talk to someone about my feelings and my past. Someone who doesn’t know me and cannot pass judgement. It’s odd how trauma attaches itself to your memory and gets tangled up in all past experiences and you don’t even know it.

I’ve gone from going every few weeks to weekly which I think has been quite a shift. A good shift non the less as I’m more trusting and I feel I have a better relationship with my counsellor. She has picked up one of the biggest issues I have is trust. Trusting people to let my guard down and trusting people not to abandon me or hurt me. So I think creating a better relationship by seeing each other more is helping me to open up more. Last week I was actually enthusiastic about going to counselling. When I first came in I barely spoke and felt uncomfortable but the more I’ve gone the more comes out and the better I feel after.

I feel a weight is lifted of my shoulders immediately and I am able to think a bit clearer every time. I’m able to understand why I feel a certain way about certain thinks and how I process situations. Personally I think my childhood has a very big input into my behaviour and thought process. I have spent so long thinking everyone hates me and that I’m the issue when i am not. I worry everyone I love will leave me and I think it’s made me scared and a bit bitter. I am slowly understanding how to deal with my emotions which has been great and I think I might even be able to come if my anti depressants soon. I’m starting to take more time for me and for my family and to voice my emotions instead of holding them in incase j upset someone. I’ve got a long way to go but I’m so proud I’ve stuck to it and kept too a weekly appointment even if childcare can be a struggle. I know I need this for me and will continue trying to make myself better however I can. I have another counselling session today and I’m feeling positive not scared and I never thought I would be here today feeling this good.

It’s good to get away

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, lifestyle, Mental health

Being a parent it’s okay to get away sometimes. To have some me time every now and then as a couple. We went to London to see a show for my birthday and was the furthest we’ve been away from him. A whole two hours. Compared to the most of half hour it felt a bit odd. But it also felt like freedom. It felt like a bit of our old life, the parts I miss such as adventure. Not that we cannot adventure now we have a child but we are more hindered in activity’s and distance and time. For example there’s only so long his little legs will walk before he’s tired and needs a carry while out for a country side walk.

It’s good to dust of the cobwebs and have the freedom to have some us/me time. To see a show or just walk around somewhere you don’t have to knock someone with a buggy out the way. Where time constraints aren’t hindering your fun and you can just relax on the day. It’s important for relationships to try and have we time then all of us time. So nobody feels neglected and to always remember you’re still a couple too, you’re not just parents and you both want dates and adult conversations. You both need a break together sometimes not just one of you but both of you. Sometimes we forget our partners need time of and that they also miss you too.

Although being a family is one of the best things and a beautiful experience sometimes it is good to get away and enjoy things again as a two some and return to family life and enjoy it that little but more having time away.

Trip to the cinemas to see 1917

by Charlie-Jane, posted in lifestyle

We went a few days ago to see 1917 and have a date night. I’ve been very excited to see this film for months so I was pretty happy to go when it came out. Any sort of thing war film or documentary I find really interesting and I don’t know why but I love it. We got our super yummy icecream and took our seats. The film was amazing. Heart wrenching at times, full of suspense and action it was a beautiful film. It follows a pair of friends off to deliver a message to call of an attack before they send 1600 men to their doom. It’s full of surprises and I didn’t get bored atall.

The camera work is really clever too it only follows the men on their travel there’s no different shots of things going on elsewhere it’s just following the two men and their journey. It gives a really good insight into what the war was like and things both sides of the war did to each other. The set and the props and effects looked great too and the sound was phenomenal. I hope it wins lots of awards. I’m not going to say much more as I don’t want to spoil it for anyone.

Managing anxiety in London.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in lifestyle, Mental health

Recently we visited London again. Now London is obviously a capital city so is always very busy. Especially when in tourist spots, shopping or using the public transport. It is easy to get anxious and perhaps even a bit frightened when travelling around London. So here’s how I kind of over come a lot of it.

Before you go plan routes, tubes, destinations, directions the lot and screenshot or write down incase you loose signal because shocker you won’t have signal on a tube miles underground. Plan what you want to do and when. Try to avoid rush hour and before 10am. It is pure hell travelling at this time. Find out what you want to see and do and don’t over book yourself you don’t want to be panicking all day about the next thing you’ve got to get too.

Breath, take some slow steady breaths and close your eyes quickly when you feel particularly anxious. Remind yourself you are okay and you’ve got this. I really struggle with tubes and trains since a family member died in the 7/7 attacks. For years I wouldn’t want to go on one out of fear of something happening to me. I’ve slowly got out of the fear but if it is particularly busy or the tube/train stops I get really anxious and panicky. I sweat lots, my heart goes and my fight or flight mode is on overdrive right. The way I stopped myself having one or two panic attacks was to concentrate on my breathing slowing it down and either closing my eyes or looking down at my hands or shoes. I grounded myself and told myself over and over everything is okay it’s almost done now.

Take photos. Be a tourist and get lost. Taking photos really helped me to destress and not focus on what is going on so much. If I can’t appreciate something at that second I can look back and see the moment through new eyes.

Don’t drink too much. Toilets are not everywhere and some you even have to pay for and you don’t want to be busting for a wee when there is none near by. Use the toilets when your close even if you don’t need to go. Do stay hydrated though those tubes a sauna no matter the weather.

Take a buddy with you. Take someone to share the experience to talk to and distract you while you’re feeling anxious. They can also help you if you get lost.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if confused. A lot of Londoners can be helpful sometimes and tell you where to go or what way you need to go.

Save up. London is pretty expensive especially if going for a show or something. I brought a slushy puppy for 7 pounds which would cost 2 in my local shop and a bottled water for 3.50 which would normally be under a pound. Everything is more expensive in corner shops exetera and in theatres and some restaurants. So be carefull not to be out of pocket and expect to spend more than you would being from outside London.

Wear comfortable clothing. It’s hot in tubes so wear thin layers and be comfy. Wear comfy shoes heals are a pain walking around all day and don’t think about any shoes that will give you a blister!

Have your phone charged, emergency cash and anything else you might need like medication on you.

Just try to enjoy yourself and remind yourself your safe and having fun.