Tag: mummybloggeruk

Being a stay at home mum – one whole year on.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, parenting

It’s no secret that after I had Elijah when he was about ten months old I returned to work. I was full of guilt and anxiety and I was riddled with stress from work too. When I stopped working it took away a bit of my identity and slowly I’ve been working to get my identity back. I don’t want to be known as just Elijah’s mum but Charlie too. A year ago I had officially left work and I look back with no regrets. Whilst I miss doing a job that gave me purpose at times I don’t miss the long days and being away from my family.

Now that it’s been a year my thoughts on me working have changed. At the moment as it stands it is financially better for me to not work. We do not take benefits or have any help just to clarify to those who think I just gave up my job and expected the state to pay. My husband funds everything. This was also a decision we spoke about and decided before anything was done.

Through me stopping work he has been able to earn way more than we earned collectively before I had Elijah and he is only getting more successful because I am at home. With me at home this means James doesn’t have to do the school/nursery runs and loose out on hours of work everyday. This means he’s able to work as early or as late as he wishes and we don’t need to worry about Elijah. Whilst Elijah will be starting nursery in January I will not be returning to work for now. Because nobody else can drop him off and pick him up and childcare is a big issue for us. Also if I went back to work it just wouldn’t really be logical aswell because with my career path I’d only want to work in healthcare again and the hours are nowhere near flexible which I learned before I left work. The issue would still remain most healthcare jobs need you to work 8-8 and that would mean again James doing the childcare run and I’d be on a crappy wage and we’d be worse of.

My view on stay at home mums has changed too. I invisioned it to be easy and happy. That I’d be doing all these fancy crafts everyday and baking everyday. But that was not the case. It was in fact draining mentally and physically. When you don’t have plans often you sort of fade into the darkness’s where everything’s a repeat and you feel like you’re on auto drive. I expected to have this perfectly clean house all the time but then reality hit. Sure my house was clean when I worked because I was never in it! Days off normally spent going out as a family or seeing friends so when I tidied up it was a quick and easy job. Now the house often looks like a bomb has hit it when I spend my day trying to survive and entertain a toddler who loves to make mess wherever he goes.

I underestimated what stay at home mums do too. Planning days out all the time trying to find new things to do so it’s not repeated is exhausting. There is only so much you can go for coffee before being bored of the activity. Not just entertaining your child out and about but also in the house is so hard. I’ll set up a activity I’ve spent ages thinking of and Elijah picks it up puts it down and walks of demanding something else.

There’s also a limit to how much I can teach Elijah before it becomes a chore. I try to spend a lot of the day teaching Elijah so we do learning games and play but sometimes I get so sick of repeating myself I want to rip my hair out. Like this is everyday. How many times can I repeat the same sentance before I turn insane.

There’s also the no escape from your child. One thing that lockdown has done is open peoples eyes to what stay at home parents really do. People really got sick of their kids crap and it showed. People understood what it was like to have no me time and children wanting their attention 24/7. They understood that silence was a thing of the past and you never get a moment to yourself even when they’re asleep you still tidy their crap up. There’s no escape and nowhere to send them if you need a time out so you just keep going hoping your head doesn’t explode with the stress at times.

However I try not to moan about my child too much there are elements I love. I love that I get this time with him and that I don’t have to share his milestones with others. I love watching him learn and knowing that I’ve taught him that. I love playing with him and making up games.

I love seeing him grow and watching how his mind works and grows with him. I love days where we have good days and we sit and play games nicely or cuddle on the sofa. I love that I am always there to wake him up and cuddle him before bed every night. I love that I’m always there to hear his stories and when he’s seen family for the day I get to be the one he tells me all about his time.

I like being able to be at home too and when I do housework around the house I enjoy it a bit more it’s not just a quick scrub ready to return to work where I’m cleaning the house at 10pm after being out 12 hours working and knowing I have the same the next day.

I’ve noticed a change in James too. He is more happy and likes not having to drop Elijah and pick Elijah up working silly hours and working twice as hard to get work done. He no longer has to come home and cook every single night and clean up all the time. I do not cook every night or clean everyday as we both understand that it’s our house and nobody’s responsibility to do everything.

I love that I’m able to see friends more and make more time for my hobbies. I. E this blog post I write now. I also love that I don’t have to miss out on a lot of things I used to aswell.

I also love the positive effect it’s had on my anxiety. I’m not full of stress and busy working all day making myself ill. I am able to concentrate on myself more and take more time for me and my self care. I take more care in my appearance and also in the relationships I have. I don’t hold on to toxic people anymore because I now am able to see my worth.

Although life can be hard and stressful as a stay at home mum I will always be thankfull to my husband for the opportunity. I know that when I’m older and look back on these hard times with fond memories of how perfect life really was.

Thanks for reading, Charlie x

I’m loosing patience

by Charlie-Jane, posted in lifestyle, Mental health, parenting

As a mother you develop a sense of patience. A limit to how much you can handle and how long you can keep calm and a level head. As they get older your patience grows. However now more than ever my patience is being tested to its absolute limits. Elijah has become quite obsessed with pushing boundaries at the moment. I understand that yes this is part of his development but he almost seems in complete overdrive at the moment.

I mean I’m struggling because I can’t go anywhere without him. I go to the toilet he decided to shove something in my face while I beg for alone time. I cook dinner he’s at the stair gate screaming. Clearly he’s developed a attachment to me more now which is flattering but at the same time really annoying. Everything he seems to do is something to grab my attention. Normally something he does is quite negative such as I sit here right now in my little mind full corner he’s being told of by his dad for constantly jumping of sofa and throwing things. The sarcasm from that child is something else completely.

I know he’s in that development stage where he’s learning who’s the boss, what’s right and wrong and what he can get away with it. The terrible twos certainly are living up to their reputation and breaking me. It’s causing my depression to creep back in with the exhaustion that comes with it. I am struggling to have the energy to argue anymore and he’s worse behaved when I don’t argue to tell him to stop being bad.

Talking to other people about the stress I’m feeling at the moment keeps somewhat being put down. “Oh I remember when mine was 2! It wasn’t so bad!” Well yes I imagine it wasn’t. Why? The simple difference is that not only is my child 2 he has also not left the house other then for a walk for almost 3 months now (we started isolating at the beginning of March with Elijah) . I mean yes it must of been hard your child being two but imagine not being able to go out and let your hair down. Imagine not being able to go to your mums for a cuppa to unload or be able to have a night or day off it it all got to much. Instead it is 24 hours of the repeated arguements, tantrums and mood swings that leave you in a frazzled sleepy state of mind.

I’ve noticed I can’t concentrate much at the moment as I’m trying to keep my head above water and focus on keeping together. At times I zone out to try keep myself from failing. My head is a constant headache and sometimes I can’t concentrate on tasks I’m doing. I grow impatient very quickly now and I have become bored of the same thing everyday. I’m hopeful I’ll regain more patience as more things are lifted with the restrictions but for now I’m exhausted and tired of it all .

Potty training

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, lifestyle, parenting, Uncategorized

Now that the UK is in lock down i decided with us being stuck inside constantly that we would finally get stuck into potty training. We have tried in the past and he wasn’t ready so we stopped. When he started more signs we decided that it was time and that while we have the time we may as well at least try. I’m no expert in the line of potty training and to be honest i would in know way want to be. It is incredibly stressful and probably one of the hardest parts of parenting i have come face to face with. But i think finally, we are coming out the other side. So if you think your kids ready here’s some of my advise that may help, or may not as every single child is different but it helped us.

So you’re thinking of potty training? First thing you need to do is look for some of the signs your little one is ready. Because if your child is not ready they will not pick it up and it will only stress you and them out. Potty training is already stressful so make sure they’re ready. So here are some signs to know your child is ready.

  • Can tell when they’re wet or weeing. Will pull at dirty nappy and be uncomfortable until changed.
  • Runs to a corner or certain space to do a wee or poo.
  • Has a fascination with using the potty or watching you use the toilet and want to try.
  • Their nappies are more dry for longer periods.
  • They tell you when they need a wee or poo.
  • Fidgeting before needing the potty, walking around, pushing legs together or just more fidgety then usual.
  • Wants to try pants.
  • Dry at nap time.

If your little one is showing a few of these signs then its probably time to take the plunge. You’ll never be ready to potty train but it is so much easier if they are ready and you start as early as they show signs. The next step is to get supplies ready to start potty training.

  • Take your child with you shopping or help them choose online big kid pants. (obviously not taking them if in lock down).
  • Explain about the potty and what it’s for. Perhaps buy a little book that explains potty training and read regularly this helped.
  • A potty. A travel one is a lifesaver so if you take it outside you can keep the contents safely till your home.
  • A toilet seat for trying on the toilet some kids prefer the toilet first and it’s there ready for the transfer from potty.
  • Disposable toilet wipes.
  • poo liners are a life saver to stop mess of poo in pants.
  • plenty of soap to clean hands more.
  • Cleaning products because it is hell of a messy.

So how did i potty train. We started with allowing him to sit on potty with nappy on, to get used to it. We would read books about potty training and explain what he would be doing soon. We took him shopping months ago for big boy pants and he choose them when we came home we tried them on. We started with showing him to go potty when we need the toilet. We would say we need the potty when we went to the loo to teach him we use the potty too. Then we started letting him wear his pants for a few minute a day. We slowly got him to sit on the potty to try we explained what its for and sometimes read his books to him. We stopped when he wasn’t getting it and waited until a few weeks ago and we have stuck to it. We repeated what we had done before and just picked it up as we went on. We got elijah to sit on it more and tried to take his mind of things, singing or letting him watch something. We used a potty reward chart with stickers but he wasn’t too bothered about the stickers but he did enjoy getting snacks as a reward. We praised using the potty and when he had an accident we told him that no wee and poo go in the potty and repeated every time. We would ask him where we and poo goes after a accident and he would tell us. We set alarms to try every twenty minutes to sit on the potty so he would get used to trying. After a while he got used to it and we could tell when he needed to go to the potty he would fidget a lot. We would take him to the potty when we thought he’d need to go and try. After a while Elijah got hang of it and started to tell us when he needed the toilet every now and then. Now he tells us every time he needs the loo. He will still have accidents but i think we can finally say he is potty trained. Thankfully most of the stress has gone and although we still have accidents it is worth it in then end.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or care about your house. They will have accidents and it will be messy, It will be stressful and you will want a break from it but if your child is ready continue. If they are not ready and don’t get anywhere with the potty try again in a few weeks. Remember your child does need to be potty trained at some point and they can’t start it themselves. It’s a part of parenting that nobody likes but it’s so worth it to see them grow up with another milestone proudly completed . If you have any questions lets me know! Good luck!

Don’t let your boyfriend keep you from your husband.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in lifestyle, Uncategorized

The other day i was scrolling facebook and this quote caught my eye “don’t let your boyfriend keep you from your husband”. It spoke to past me and how i viewed my past boyfriend as my world. We got together when i was 16 and he was my first long term boyfriend. When you’re in a relationship you can’t see your own worth. And although i think everything happens for a reason i wish i knew my worth back then and how stupid i was. First of all he was a few years older than me and that should of been the first warning sign but i was young and nieve. I was finishing school and he was of an age to go out drinking every night. He treated me like crap and i never saw it, i think when you’re young and rebellious you never see it. Despite spending almost every night crying and being basically used for three years i decided i had enough of wasting my time and decided to move on with my life. Immediately i felt better, learned to love myself and got to know myself more. Dated and got to know what i wanted in a guy. Then one day along came my husband and changed me and my life for the better.

Know your worth if you are not happy, you do not have to stay because it’s easy and all you know. You do not have to settle and you certainly deserve more. If you’re having more bad times then good times and your relationship gets tedious then it’s enough. You deserve more. If you spend time crying because of how someone makes you feel then know your worth. You should’t stay with someone who ever makes you doubt yourself.

There is always someone better out there.Your person is out there and as painful and heartbreaking as a break up can be the right person is out there. Someone who will treat you how you deserve to be treated and more. Someone who teaches you not only to love but also to love yourself. Someone who fills your heart with happiness and doesn’t need changing or want to change you. Someone who laughs at your terrible jokes, smiles at you with sleep in your eyes, a birds nest hair do and ignores your terrible morning breath. Someone who knows how you like your coffee and brings you one in the morning without having to ask. You cannot change someone no matter how hard you try or they say they want to change. You just have to decide what is better in the long run, you only get one life. Leaving my boyfriend is the best thing i ever did because if i wouldn’t of left i wouldn’t be happy. I wouldn’t sitting here happily married in our home and a parent. I probably would still be living at home stuck in a boring loop of arguments and annoyance.

Being afraid of the unknown

Featured by Charlie-Jane, posted in lifestyle, Mental health, Uncategorized

Good morning everyone! I hope you’ve had a peaceful weekend and had lots of fun. I thought i would write this blog post because i’m feeling quite anxious at the moment and many others are too. I’m talking about the unknown which is the corona virus or covid-19 for short. As each day passes more and more scary articles and posts are being put up and the world is going mad i am afraid of the unknown.

I am not scared about getting the virus as i have been with other illnesses. Previously when around many illnesses as a healthcare worker i had all sorts of fluids all over me and never caught anything bad such as hiv, mrsa, hepatitis or any other nasty illnesses. This is because i have always practised good hand hygiene and followed policies which have been put in line for a reason. If i was to catch covid-19 i will hope for the best and practise self isolating and look after myself to the maximum i can still following exceptional personal hygiene standards. However i am afraid of my family and friends catching it and that scares me. The thought about someone around me catching it makes me very anxious indeed.

I am becoming increasingly more anxious about other humans and their behaviour. I have witnessed and experienced fear when shopping where we can’t find the basics we need in shops. Toilet roll, pasta, tins, meat, milk, nappies, wipes, children’s snacks, formula, bread, rice, cleaning products and soap nowhere to be found in many places. Others are panic buying and developing a me before you attitude which is so toxic. I’m now worrying every time i buy something if i am being judged or now if i have brought enough i am genuinely scared that one day we will go hungry. The weird thing is why are people stock piling at the moment there is no need so i am completely confused. I also don’t understand why people are taking away toilet paper and soap from shops because surely other people need to be able to exercise good personal hygiene to avoid the spreading instead of being unable to wash their hands or wipe their bottom while people have cupboards full of soap. Let’s remember to leave some things for those at risk and only buy what we need and maybe one extra not trolley loads. Also remember that not only the elderly are at risk and that there are many young, pregnant or immunocompromised people who rely on cleaning products to be able to keep well and healthy from all germs not just covid-19.

I am afraid of the unknown on what is happening. I live in the uk and our pm has basically just said some people will die and good luck essentially. I feel like we are in the hunger games at times like this. We have been told that schools will close and then they will not. Some events are being closed without notice. There is no communication to the people. There is limited information and people want and need information in order to process things calmly and rationally. I also feel the appropriate steps are not being taken. I personally do not agree with schools shutting unless everywhere is put on quarantine and bills freezed till everything is back to normal so that no income is lost. My reason behind this thought process is that children have TERRIBLE hygiene standards and i know full well parents will be going out with their children and not staying inside which means more people around and more risk of infection. Where as if they stayed at school they would be more contained to one place and somewhat safer. If only schools closed many parents would loose their jobs or incomeand not be able to recover from the time taken off too look after their children. This would be because there would not be a nationwide quarantine with bills frozen. If everything was quarantined and all bills stopped at once the world could continue as normal but there is no plan and they’ll wait till it’s too bad. I also feel for people who would still need to work such as the whole of the health and social care section. How would they be quarantined however with them going into work and then coming home after work? Would they count this as reduced quarantine. However if bills are frozen there should be good incentives for those staff to be going in full stop.

There is too much negativity in the press and social media and all it is doing is scare mongering. All that is being spoken about everywhere is the virus and i myself can’t help it now too. I tried my hardest to avoid it, to be calm about it but now it seems to of become so much worse.This is why i am writing this blog post now Every time i listen to the radio or pick up my phone it’s death toll this, quarantine that and everything is being reported like it is the end of the world and i am worried. I am starting to worry we wont be able to pay our bills and/or food will run out and things will go terribly wrong. All people can talk about is corona virus and it gets pretty heated at times out there. People shouting at one another. Negative storys constantly and none of the good about recovering people is reported on. Everyone is thriving on fear and it’s causing everyone to be in a state of panic and concern.

I am scared to be in public now because of my health anxiety and if someone sneezes near me i worry oh god am i going to get it or my son and then everyone here? People are being very angry and panicky in public and busy places are now empty. I am getting anxious about peoples behaviour to others and keep hearing about fights breaking out in the news. I’m scared someone might hurt me if i grab the last of something or someone will bite my head of if i suddenly cough due to my asthma. I am also growing increasingly worried about people who might struggle or go hungry. I want to donate to food banks as i usually would in cases of these terrible times but i now think what if i need that pasta at some point and i am giving to others and then we go hungry ourselves. We do however still and will continue to donate cash to homeless shelters and chairtys monthly through direct debit or donations when we can. I want to help everyone i can at times like these but i am now asking myself can i really help anyone with such uncertainty at the moment. If i place food in the food bank will it be stolen as so many are stealing things now? I am unsure about a lot of things and i think a lot of others are unsure too. Over the weekend while away (in the uk close to home just in case) i was scared to spend money and at times be out around others. I worried things where too much expense in case we couldn’t afford our bills at some point due to people loosing money and not needing my husbands custom or being in quarantine due to him being self employed. We actually cut our holiday short kind of because of this too because their was so many people at times in places we couldn’t keep much space at then end!

I am hoping a vaccine can be made or a cure found sometime soon and the infection spread rates drop and we can go back to normal. But at the moment i am scared. I am sorry if this has scared anyone else but i feel it is therapeutic to talk these things through instead of bottling up. My blog is my safe space. My e-journal if you will and it’s how i process my emotions now without annoying others as it doesn’t have to be read. I am trying to not scare monger and only using facts i know to be true when i speak about the virus but it’s all rather scary isn’t it. I am trying to stay in as much as i feel i can and trying to avoid soft play and teaching my child hand hygiene as much as we can. Not that i wasn’t already but i feel we need to do it more now with how quick this is spreading.

How are you dealing with the virus hysteria? Have you been effected by the news and everyone else reaction to what is happening? Are things running out near to you and are you able to buy a full weekly shop with your basics?

Well i i hope you are keeping as safe as can be and keep calm in times of uncertainty! Remember to be kind and safe at all times and check on others if you can but do not put yourself at risk before tacking care of yourself. Stay safe!

A letter to Elijah

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, lifestyle, parenting

Elijah you are currently two and getting closer to two and a half. This last year has been huge for you in terms of development the amount you have been able to learn has been incredible to watch. It’s funny how you go from making no noise to being able to name all the colours, count and do so much more. We have full on conversations that we both understand now and i’m no longer guessing the word you’re trying to say.You have always shocked me and others with your intelligence but everyday you grow more and more and you surprise me every day with new things you learn. You love doing puzzles and reading the same things over and over again. You sing all the time and in tune too. I love listening to your singing although i would kind of rather you didn’t sing Elton john at 2 am every now and then and wake us up. You currently love dancing and you seem to have developed a mixture of dance moves i would describe as a elephant stomp and granddad dancing in overdrive all at once. The pointy fingers your granddads taught you need to go if you’re ever to become a dancer.

We’ve recently started little kickers football classes. Which is basically a load of toddlers following instructions and running around a hall kicking balls and giving themselves pats on the backs for doing so. You love these lessons but at the moment you seem to want to not follow the crowd and listen being the cheeky monkey you are becoming. Who knows maybe one day you’ll be a pro and be thankful for starting football at two! I mean you’re very good with controlling and kicking a ball now. We go to a lot of classes when we can. We go to little wellies which is a group where you just run around and play with other children. There is indoor and outdoor play although you never want to go inside but stay outside playing with footballs and the mud kitchen. You’re favourite thing to do is que for the slide and go on it a few thousand times before we eventually have to go home. We go to a lot of groups which are singing groups such as tot rock. You love singing and dancing so we go when we can and you have to listen to mine and the other parents terrible singing while you have a little boogy. We are always going to soft play for a way to let out steam. Again you make me follow you up and down slides all day and i am surprised i don’t have calf muscles that could bounce me and you to the top of the slide now. We enjoy trips to library to get new books and playing with the arts and crafts that are set up. We love to go out with our friends or just me and you to have some quality time out of the house just us too. We also have MANY play dates here and i tidy up a mountain of toys every time.

Mummy hasn’t worked for about 8 months now. It seems a lot longer but you’re enjoying this time with mummy i like to think. I like being there for you whenever you need me and knowing that if you where in school and unwell i could be there with no stress of swapping shifts.We have our own routine now and it works for us. We wake up every morning at 7:15 and have breakfast together then get ready for the day. You’re potty training at the moment and while you’ve not aced using the potty every time you are doing really well and we are taking our time. We spend days at home doing puzzles and playing games. We do learning activities and colouring as much as we can. We get out art and crafts and sometimes we get the play dough out or do sensory play. We are always playing with your toys together and we mainly play with your animals and dinosaurs. You are obsessed with animals and we go to the zoo at least once a month. You can name every animal i can think of and you say it so proudly! We like to meet with friends as much as we can so you are around your friends and get to play with them. You adore swimming and although we stopped swimming lessons you love just splashing around having fun now!

Your favourite food is sausages and you would eat the,everyday if we let you. You pronounce them “saa saaage ” and it melts my heart every time. We play with your toy kitchen and you always make me sausages every time and i find the sausage hidden all the time around the house. You eat basically anything and everything and i always wonder where you put it. You have very good table manors for your age and always say please and thank you in restaurants too. Your favourite films are trolls and the lion king and we watch them on repeat and have growing merchandise by the day.

You’re such a happy and loving boy. you always comfort people who are sad. You always include others in your play and always ask how people are. You are always so smiley and happy, everyone always says how happy and sweet you are. The older generation even love you including the grumpy man in the post office who doesn’t like anyone! I love how sweet and kind you are and whenever i’m feeling a little blue you’re always there to cheer me up with something silly you do.

Although i love how clever you’re becoming i do sometimes miss how cuddly you once where. Sometimes i feel a bit sad when a cuddle is only a few seconds and you give me a kiss and run of to play. I sometimes hate the fact you’re growing up and ageing if i could keep you this age forever (with more cuddles and less tantrums) i would. May you continue to grow into the brilliant boy you are becoming and always fill mine and everyone else’s heart with joy. May you only ever know love and always be my perfect little boy.

Love mum x

What i would of changed about my post natal care.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in lifestyle, Uncategorized

After having my son there are quite a few aspects of my care that i would of changed for the better. i felt neglected and although i had a few nice staff my care was pretty appalling. After talking with my counsellor and my mother the other day about aspects of my care i would of changed i thought i’d talk about some things i would of changed so people can feel somewhat comforted in the knowledge they should and can ask for more from their care staff. After all you expect the moments after your babies birth to be the most beautiful moments of your life but for some people it can and is the complete opposite.

So first of all the first thing i would change is the staffs introduction to you. In previous jobs in healthcare i have always been told to introduce my self and then explain my role to put the person i am treating at ease. This was not done for me and it was quite confusing when different heads constantly popped in and out. There was also no goodbye from the staff so i knew they had gone home. In shift rotations i expect to of been introduced to who was looking after me but i was not. This made me feel quite unsafe and scared at times as people would touch me without explaining who they where. The few staff who introduced themselves i remember and the others i do not and this is why.

If you are coming into my room knock. Do not just barge in and start touching me without speaking to me. Do not just presume i will be okay with strangers waking me from my sleep by putting a blood pressure cuff on me. For many woman this could cause great upset and also if you’re a victim of domestic violence or something similar it can really unsettle someone. In healthcare you are supposed to always explain you are about to touch someone and really its just polite to ask if you can do certain things.

Explain what is happening each step of the way. When coming around from GA after my operation i didn’t know what was happening and scared. Then i was taken to my ward and not explained to where i was going and still i was scared. I wasn’t explained to what checks where needed and how often and to my baby and i wasn’t explained to how to breastfeed exetera and just left to it after dumping me in my room.

If mum and baby are separated due to their baby being unwell please explain to them what is happening and make the effort to find out. I wasn’t told what was wrong with my baby and they couldn’t even tell me how he was. I sent James with the baby and was left alone with no answers and nobody to talk to sobbing. Every time i asked for a update they didn’t even know why he was downstairs in the first place. It is so important that staff familiarise them self’s with every last patient and their babies case so they can put them at ease.

Check mums regularly if in nicu. I missed meals, medications, observations because i was with my baby on the ward. I was forgotten about and i got quite ill from being forgotten about. The pain intensified as they forgot about medications top ups as i was forgotten about as i wasn’t in my room. They where always made aware i was downstairs and asked to call me for meals and medication and so on yet they did not bother.

To check on the mums mental health. Check they are okay and feel okay emotionally as well as physically. When a mum is going through hell with a complete change in life a little how are you feeling ? do you want to have a chat about your birth and how life has changed now would of made me feel so much better. A mums mental health can take a complete beating and how they are treated can worsen that experience even more. With one in ten mothers getting post natal depression it is really surprising there is no information available to mothers and fathers/significant others are not explained to what the signs are either. You just have this baby and your expected to know everything and sent into the big wide world.

Have a information point. To have someone or something to give out information. Such as leaflets or advice on practical things like breast feeding, bottle feeding, safe sleeping, basic first aid , basic care of your baby,numbers for support and the list goes on. Any number of mum knows the anxiety of taking a baby home knowing nothing and with internet causing panic of the risk of sids and so on these information sheets can be a godsend and put someone at ease having a little just in case to have readily available.

Overall there is much more that could of been improved in my care but i wont mention it all. I also completely understand the nhs is underfunded and understaffed but that is no excuse when duty of care is repeatedly failed and polices not met.But if you feel something isn’t write with your care please pull them up on it while you’re there. Don’t be afraid to talk about how your’e feeling and remember how you’re feeling is justified and completely normal. Giving birth is a crazy thing and getting used to being a parent straight away with no previous experience is a crazy thing. So be kind to yourself and remember your midwife and g.p are only a call away.