feminism – Life with the Hazelwoods

I have endometriosis. If you’ve followed and read my blog posts over the year you will be more than aware of the fact that i have endometriosis and it rules my life at times. One day i can feel completely fine and go about my life as normal then the next moment my stomachs swollen like a balloon, i am in intense pain and i am crippled by it sometimes even hospitalised. But it’s a weird thing being a endometriosis sufferer, i used to feel so alone but now i know i am not alone. Since starting my blog i have made so many connections with so many beautiful people who also suffer with endo. We all know what it is like to be sick but not look sick. We know each others struggles and go through it together. Like some sort of badass period gang. There is a reason they call us endo warriors. It is because we get up and start the day despite at times feeling like we are dying. It’s that a lot of us are there to give support and talk about what we are going through in the hope that it helps someone else.

Did you know that 1 in ten woman can be suffering from endometriosis and that it can take around 8 years for a diagnosis?

What is endometriosis?

Endometriosis or endo as many of us call it is when the material of your uterus grows elsewhere in your body. Causing internal bleeding, scaring and in many cases damage to organs. The only way to know how severe or diagnose is through surgery. It is barely ever picked up on ultrasounds and you have to be extraordinarily lucky to have it found in other ways. There is also no cure for endo. You can have patches of it burned of but it just grows back like weeds and sometimes it comes back worse.

What are the symptoms?

Pain, intense pain on periods.
Heavy bleeding.
Nausea and sickness.
Constipation or diarrhoea when ovulating or on period
Pain when peeing or pooing on period or ovulating.
Difficulty getting pregnant.
Exhaustion.
Back pain and pelvic pain.
Pain during or after sex.
Lots more.

My story.

Growing up i found periods uncomfortable but it wasn’t until my twenties i started to have more intense periods. I would also get very frequent urine infections which would burn. I’d sometimes live on the toilet. Once i had elijah i found out i had endometriosis through my c section. Which in turn caused my endometriosis to get way worse and start presenting severe pain more than ever before. As I started to fuse back together my endo grew with it infesting my insides and destroying my life. Every month on the return of my periods i started to notice extreme stabbing pain in my side. Like i had a knife inside of me. I would also always describe it as having a burning hot ice cream scoop inside of me scooping away at my organs and pulling at the flesh. I would be exhausted, bed bound and in so much pain i would cry on the floor. If you’re a endo sufferer you also know that the pain your in is determined by how low to the floor you get. If you can stand it’s a okay day. If your laying on your stomach or back in pain on the middle of the bathroom or living room floor it’s pretty unbearable.

I also loose my appetite for days and feel sick the whole time. I bloat and look pregnant whilst also suffering intense bowel and urinating issues. I have hot sweats and cant do anything to soothe the pain. I spend the week of my period attached to a tens machine, cooling pads or in tropical temperatures with a hot water bottle resting on my stomach. The more severe the flare the more it causes me to feel so week I feel faint and unable to concentrate. The worse thing is when I feel shaky and unable to function .

I was one of the lucky ones who had a diagnosis. Only on a accidental find. But being told i had endometriosis wasn’t the end. Even though i had a diagnosis doctors would still make me believe it was in my head i would turn up to their surgery in so much pain i couldn’t stand up properly hunched over and i would be made to think it was all in my head. I’d be prodded over and over and cry in pain as touched where it hurt. Over and over i would attend a and e begging for help thinking i was going to die. Turned back to my gp after a day of sitting upright crying or writing in pain needing the floor or a bed. I would Rarely be Admitted to gynaecology where after having scans seeing cysts I’d be sent home later that day when i could barely stand and had been drugged up to the nines.

The medication never really helps sure it sometimes takes away some of the pain but a lot of the time it barely scratches the surfaces. I’ve often had the strongest medications you can have and still lay writing in pain on the floor crying pressing into my stomach in the hope of stopping the tsunami of cramps and pain. Many times i have had to give up going out because i am bleeding so heavy. I’ve leaked in public and been forced into adult nappies. I become anaemic every month because i loose so much blood and have massive clots. I run on empty feeling faint because there is no option when people can’t see your problem but to get up and carry on. The condition also messes with my hormones causing mood swings and extreme depression and lets not even go there with the beautiful spots i inherit from aunt flo visiting. I often feel like a failure as a mother and wife because sometimes i just don’t have the energy. Sometimes i struggle to get through the day and sometimes im laying on the floor crying like some crazy woman. I know often i should go to hospital when it gets overly bad but with the little understanding of doctors in the hospital i am treated terribly and would rather writhe in pain at home just praying that this isn’t it, that i’m not actually dying this time.

I also find that i am starting to get issues with ovulating more now. I cramp and hurt and have many of the same symptoms as when i bleed but without the blood. It wasn’t enough to take a week of my month but now it is two weeks.My doctors all push for me to have another surgery to look at how bad my endo is but i refuse as i cannot bring myself to go under again after my traumatic birth. I also think what would be the point? There is no cure. It will grow back. Whats the point in more scars and more pain. So I spend my days engulfed in the fire that burns its way through me.

However in our darkest hours there is unity. I have joined many endo support groups where we all give each other love, support and advice where i don’t feel like such a freak. I talk to fellow bloggers and people i follow or follow me about the struggles of our endo flares. It makes me not feel so alone. It has also enabled me to learn about more related symptoms and that i can relate other issues to my endo.

I talk about my endometriosis not because i want sympathy but because i want understanding. I want people to understand what i am going through. I want awareness for my people and i also want to be able to help others. i talk about endo in the hope that the girl sitting on the toilet in agony knows that it is not normal to have this much pain. I talk about it in the hope of more seeking help and also being there to help. I talk for everyone. Just because we do not look sick does not mean we are not sick. Chronic pain is real and it is hard and honestly every day i wish it would go away but it never will no matter how hard i wish or how many heat packs i put on my stomach and back,

If you or anyone else have similar symptoms then i have please speak to your gp. It may be that help you need. My messages are always open and you can always dm me on my instagram @lifewiththehazelwoods or email or comment here.

Thanks for reading! Charlie x

Good morning. I hope you’re all well and have had a lovely weekend so far! Today is apparently international woman day which is in my eyes a good and bad thing. It’s great that woman are appreciated on a day and other woman build them up for the day publicly. But why is this not being done every day? Why is there a day needed to celebrate woman too. Unpopular opinion here but why do we need to celebrate our sex and use it as a platform too promote woman.

I am more than obviously aware of feminism movements over the years and the hardships woman went through to get said right. But in my personal belief i think we’ve got to a stage where we should perhaps believe more in equal rights. The same pay, the same treatment of others and most importantly the same rights. I am and equalitist and believe men and woman should have the same rights. I do not believe in one sex having more rights and respects then others. I judge people on who they are not how their sex dictates.E.g slut shaming. A lot of people would think a man who sleeps about is a total lad worthy or respect whereas a woman is a slut. To me i personally don’t care what people do with their lives or bodies but i would judge someone the same whether they where male or female. I don’t believe in this whole a man shouldn’t hit a woman because i believe people shouldn’t hit other people full stop. I believe men have as much responsibility as woman to take care of their children and family.

I think my views are like this as i was raised to the age of 9 just me and my mum. My biological dad was not on the scene and never has been.When my mum met my dad (step-dad) and had children with him the typical roles of stay at home mum fell to my dad and he stayed at home to do the cooking, cleaning and the caring of the children. Many people looked down on him for this but i never did. I feel this has made me think of men and woman as equal i don’t respect someone more because of their sex or view them as having more rights than anyone else. In an ideal world it would be great if people didn’t have to campaign to get their sex heard more i just wish that everyone was treated equally. Pay be more dependant on experience not genitals. A dad be as responsible as a mum for looking after a child and doing work around the house.

After chats with a few people in this last week i have seen that my sex is used as a identity to me as a stay at home mum. I am expected to do ALL the cooking,cleaning and childcare. I told a family member me and Elijah had eaten lunch out so James could sort his own meal out tonight and they where shocked like i was in the wrong? Me and James are equals and always have been. I cook because i enjoy cooking or because i want too. Not because i have to. I clean because i like a clean home not because i care if my husband likes it or not. My husband does the majority of the washing hanging and putting away and i normally do the bathroom and deep cleaning. We take it in turns to hoover every night and to wash up. James goes to work and i stay at home as it is better for us and works for us. Not because i am a woman and that is my use. If i made more money then James then maybe he would stay at home instead and that would be okay. We both share parental responsibility when home together too which has been great for Elijah as he respects us both.

I do agree in celebrating both sexes and i do also agree with celebrating woman however. The amount we have had to overcome and the daily stigma and degradation we get every day is just simply not needed. So celebrate each other. Celebrate your sex and who you are but just don’t go around thinking your sex is better than the other sex because then that means you’re doing what others do to you what you hate. Let’s break the stigma and empower woman and men. Let’s fix each others crowns and big each other up not tear each other down. Love each other and always be kind.

Tag: feminism

My endometriosis #wombstories

Happy international woman’s day.