Category: Uncategorized

Six months married!

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Six months of being married today. Time goes by so fast and I can say although things don’t change in big ways I have felt a change in our relationship. I am insanely proud to refer to James as my husband and not my partner like previously. I always feel my heart skip a beat whenever James refers to me as his wife to other people. I’m always like oh hi I’m the wife! He chose me and we’re totally grown up because we’re married. I feel closer then before, I don’t know how but something just shifted. For us we spoke about marriage since we first got together and when we got engaged I wanted nothing more than to become married to each other. When we got married I remember crying walking down the isle as I was so proud and full of love and I kind of worried James had ran off but he hadn’t. He was there handsome as ever and both our hands where shaking and tears fallowing we were so nervous and happy. Marriage was never about the ceromony for me it was always about us becoming husband and wife and making a life long commitment to each other becoming equals. I am happy whenever I look at my rings or whenever I look at James. Maybe one day I’ll get bored of our rings and the words husband and wife but for now I will continue to adore it. Today we’ve been together 5 and a half years aswell which is such a long time. It feels like it’s gone by in a heart beat and no measure of time with James will ever be enough. Here’s to always being more in love each and everyday. May we make each other smile and laugh at the most pointless things and forever be as happy as we are now.

Let us give each other chins from laughing for life.

Breast or bottle? Who cares?

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

This is going to be one of those posts that probably triggers someone but I don’t care. I’ve found more and more people are becoming judgemental how babies are fed. I don’t know why people get so concerned with what a child is eating but they do.

I always see people moaning about parents who formula feed. People will comment on posts the most vile comments brining down a new mother’s confidence. People outright say out loud and give their unneeded opinions. People say it’s unnatural, it’s going to make the child ill or dumb. Those people often don’t even know if they where formula fed before starting a debate judging others. Should we judge mothers for feeding a child formula? No! Sometimes mother’s cannot feed their child for health reasons, they cannot feed their baby due to issues bonding, baby or mother being unwell, medications, mastectomy and many other reasons which are still nobody’s business. My hats go off to mother’s who formula feed as all the washing up, sterilising and preparing feeds are pure stress and added work parents could do without. Can I also point out that if a child does not have a mother what are they supposed to drink? Air? Formula is safe they wouldn’t make it and sell it if it was unsafe. It is basically like taking a vitamin giving you things you don’t get from your food. It doesn’t make you dumb or any less developed then other children.

Breast is best. That is proven but sometimes it’s just not possible for all parents. Those who do breastfeed also get a lot of hate too. People expect mother’s to cover up, do it in another room or people just find it disgusting for some obsurd reason. Now I’m not saying whack your tittys out in the middle of a restaurant for all too see your nip nips as that’s normally when anyone would have a issue but when it’s done discreetly without seeing full boob in public what is people’s issue. I remember when I would breast feed In public people would stare. It made me feel so uncomfortable and self conscious. I felt urged to put a blanket over my child but why should I when I don’t eat under a sheet? I was discreet so why a issue if you can’t see my boob?

I combi fed my little guy as long as I could which was a few months. He never latched long enough and never got enough from me and needed formula. He needed formula when I had no milk because he was in hospital unwell and wasn’t getting any better as he wasn’t eating enough. I struggled to produce due to my traumatic birth and post natal depression which came from that and Elijah being in hospital for a week. I tried to express but would never get more than 30ml. Eventually he didn’t care if his formula had breast milk in or not. I could be there for a hour for no reason and ended up exclusively formula feeding. I would used to feed him on breast till James had mixed formula and breast milk or I had and then he’d drink that after but eventually he didn’t want to latch as I wasn’t producing enough.

I think us mother’s and just basic human beings who need to big mother’s up because it’s a hard ass world out there. Why can’t we stop referring to milk as breast milk and formula? Why don’t we say oh my child’s drunk so much milk today instead of boobie or formula? Also if you did one thing don’t judge what someone else is doing and keep your mouth to yourself. Also it’s none of your business how other children are fed so do not ask. Let’s just say your doing a great job mumma and your child seems healthy and happy. A fed baby is best and always will be. What works for you won’t always work for someone else and we need to accept that sometimes.

Sometimes it’s good to have me time.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Whether your me time includes sitting watching a series in bed or having a bath we all need a bit of me time. Whenever you become someone who’s either a parent or partner to someone you give up the freedom of having your own space all the time. And sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you love spending time with other people you need that me time. It’s very difficult when you live with others to just separate yourself of to have some me time but sometimes it can be really good for all party’s involved.

When I first moved out i had different work patterns from James so we had a lot of me time and enjoyed every minuite together as quite frankly we didn’t see each other enough to want me time. When I changed job I had more normal hours so again there was some me time but not a lot. When Elijah came along me time was out the window for quite a while and going back to work I didn’t have much me time either. But now since becoming a stay at home mum and experiencing the stress of not having the option to be left alone at times I’ve certainly come to love me time.

Whether it’s having a bath when Elijahs gone to bed with some relaxing music and candles. To watching a tv series when he naps I sometimes need that time to unwind and not think about what I need to do and entertain others. I try to get James to have me time too, sometimes I’ll say you play a game and I’ll have a bath and when I’m done you can have a bath and I’ll read a book. Sometimes we enjoy me time together in The same room doing our own little thing but just in the same room. For example I’ll read a book while James plays on his xbox or he’ll edit photos while I’ll watch tv.

Sometimes we need a break like when Elijah goes to his nans sometimes. I used to feel guilty when Elijah went to his nans like I’m supposed to spend every minuite of his life with him. But he loves his nans house and she loves him coming over. He asks to see his grandparents daily and always comes back pooped from all the fun. Not to mention when he comes back he misses me and gives me the biggest cuddle which melts me. We also need the break from each other sometimes because when he’s been tantruming all week and I’ve been getting irritated sometimes it’s good just to take a breather and destress. So that we can sometimes just but that reset button with a positive mindset.

Sometimes it also helps to leave the house. Sometimes you want to be your own person and go out and destress with none of the baggage of another person where if you want to do something you can without the stress. Sometimes it’s good to let your hair down even for a few hours. A trip to the hair dressers or to see friends can feel amazing.

On Wensday night I went to bingo and it felt really good. Don’t worry I’m not a gambling addict because I haven’t been to bingo since Elijah has been born I know right shock horror I haven’t been to bingo in two years. I had a discount code so we had dinner and a game of bingo it was quite a laugh and it was nice to be distracted by something else. Sometimes it’s nice to identify as Charlie again not mummy or wife. We also won double our money back again so every cloud I gusss! We both try to go out every few weeks in the evening so we have that me time. We normally always go at 7 when Elijah is in bed so he doesn’t miss one of us when we leave.

Although I adore being a mum and wife I will always need me time. Because sometimes you need to handle your feelings and destress. If you’re constantly wanted and talking you can feel a lot of pressure and struggle so sometimes you need to sit in a bath or watch a show in peace and that is okay. If you’re feeling particularly down be selfish and relax because sometimes that is what you need to be at you best.

The loneliness of becoming a stay at home mum.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

One thing that is a bit of a taboo subject is talking honestly about being a stay at home mum. Everyone expects a positive reply when they ask how a stay at home mum is doing. They expect us to say we love life when truly we do but sometimes its not all sunshine and rainbows.

When the husband goes of to work in the morning it can be a lonely world. Yes you are never alone but in reality you cant hold a conversation with a two year old. When a baby is first born everyone wants to visit you then slowly but surely you end up alone just the two of you. When your friends are busy or cancel last minute you can fall into a bit of a pit. When your stuck at home for days on end you miss talking to other people. When the highlight of your day sometimes is just when your other half comes home so you can talk too somebody. Sometimes you feel a bit desensitised to the world and you don’t feel you can contribute to conversations as much anymore as your thought of as someone who just sits at home living the life of luxury. Which is not true. Spending every waking moment teaching a child everything you know is exhausting. Sometimes you dont have the energy for adult conversations or to engage in anything going on around you. Watching childrens tv all day makes your brain turn off and watching normal adult TV used to help me feel more in touch with the world around me and ive lost the ability to have control over that now.

Its true you’re never really alone and can always talk to your toddler but sometimes they want to be there own person. Sometimes they want to play and enjoy their own company and then your left there waiting until they want your attention again. Or if they’re overly clingy it can also cause you to feel drained emotionally and feel lonely in your emotions.When they are being naughty or upset or ill it can cause you to become tired or irritated. When you feel irritated its hard to not let your emotions get the best of you and that can make you feel alone. Its hard to talk about how you’re feeling without a element of judgement and resentment from others. I feel alot of mothers who work or have had to work feel jealous that others get to stay at home and that angers them and causes a sense of strong resentment. You’re expected to be happy all the time and not entitled to feel any other emotion. People think that you’ll enjoy the same thing everyday and not grow tired or stressed. Having worked previously while being a mother i struggled to accept the mum guilt and my mental health. But i do miss the adult conversation. Talking to people and enjoying being at home that little bit more. I miss the break sometimes and it felt like sometimes work was more of a social occasion.

People invite you out less because they just presume you cannot find childcare. So you get left out. Childcare is a big issue too because you cannot always find childcare and also going out in evenings is not always when some people always want to go out. You also find that leaving work people don’t bother to speak to you as much if not atall. You’ve left so who cares if you exist in the real world outside of work right?

Overall i am so greatful that i do not have to work anymore and that my husband can provide a life for us where we never go without and still have luxuries because of this. I am extraordinarily lucky to be able to stay at home and enjoy watching my little boy grow up but sometimes i feel alone and that is okay. And if you are feeling like me too then know that your not alone and there are plenty of other mums who feel the same. Even the mums who go out everyday to avoid that feeling are feeling it too. Don’t believe everything you see online because not all stay at home mums are all sunshine and rainbows all the time. You can feel alone but know that you’re not alone.

Being organised at Christmas

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Now that Halloween is over and done with we will be packing away the decor and getting ready for Christmas. There’s nothing better than lighting your first Christmas Yankee candle if the season which I’ve already got chosen! But one thing we always do around the Christmas time is stress. We stress over who we’ll see and when, if we are hosting or being the guests. Many people don’t enjoy Christmas as they have to yoyo around to so many family members houses they cannot enjoy the day.

This year I’m staying put. We decided it’s not worth the stress we will stay in and have Christmas dinner at home. We always go to family’s and end up at 3/4 different houses a day and not only is it exhausting and tiring it’s also a bit rude it’s like thanks for the presents now I look like it’s all I came for as I’m on to the next time slot! When you have a kid it’s even harder of course they love the attention but they get very tired and angry as they don’t want to stop playing and miss anything.

Organising at Christmas for me is looking after myself and not getting all stressed and uptight. Who knows I might really enjoy Christmas this year if I just try to relax. Here are some organising tips I’m going to live by.

Don’t stress Christmas presents, buy what you like for people and if you think someone will like it then that’s all that matters. Don’t bankrupt yourself and don’t worry if something’s on the cheeper side it’s all about giving and spreading joy not the cost. Also slowly buy things before Christmas to one save a big cost at once and also so you are organised and know you have everything in time.

Make plans in advance even if it annoys family talking about it. You need to make plans in advance if you have a lot of people to see.

Try not to over book yourself. If you do that you’ll end up stressed. I will do the Christmas present drop offs on Xmas eve for those I don’t see on Christmas Day or day after Christmas as I always have done. I feel like Santa and it’s something I enjoy but this year I won’t be doing as many stops.

Great lists on what you need to buy, gift ideas and food shops. Being able tick of what you’ve brought is such a great feeling. I love my Christmas planner I’ve had for four years and this year I’ll need a new one, it is so helpful for not only knowing what I’ve brought but also what I’ve spent and wrapped so I can budget.

Wrap and label presents as you buy them. Saves the stress of wrapping everything quickly and also if you want to give people their gifts early you can just put them in a bag and if you go.

Any time sensitive presents need to be sorted well in advance. I’m making a little photo book for my grandma and nan so I need to get the family together before hand to take photos. We’re doing this ourself as we have good cameras and a tripod so would prefer to take ourselves at the park. Obviously we have to arrange a day all my family can come and then have to send to be put into a book or on a canvas So we’d need extra time. If your planning anything hand made and not shop brought you could be waiting a while at Christmas so it’s best to buy well in advance.

If you’re dieting try not to be too strict. But also don’t go to mad. Buy a few Christmas snacks and don’t restrict your Christmas dinner but don’t pig out for days. Your essentially going to get snacks for Christmas it’s inevitable so this year don’t eat as you get them stretch them out over the next few weeks/months. The foods not going to do a runner. You may think this isn’t organising but sometimes you need to organise what you buy so you don’t go crazy!

Buy yourself a gift. When your buying other people gifts you forget about yourself. See a nice bath set or cosy pjs you’d quite like buy them. Sometimes we need to treat ourselves and a bit of retail therapy is just the way. After all that shopping you deserve it.

Overall just enjoy Christmas and the season try not to worry about pleasing everyone and just relax because it’s all about the memories and nothing else.

What age is a good age to go trick or treating?

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Something I always see every year at my door is children too young and teenagers knocking on my door. Now I don’t mind trick or treaters I quite enjoy coming and seeing their outfits but one thing I don’t like is when children are to young or too old.

I personally wouldn’t take Elijah out at 2 in a thin costume knocking on doors for candy. First of all Elijah doesn’t understand he isn’t allowed to eat the candy immediately and will have a tantrum on someone’s door step. Secondly he’ll try and walk into someone’s house which makes me very uncomfortable. If you’re taking a older child trick or treating and your kid is going with them I don’t see as much a problem as they learn from that. But young children do not need candy in their diets so why take them to collect candy? I think I’ll wait till Elijahs 4 to take him when he can understand what is going on and understand he’s not to go in strangers houses or eat the candy immediately. A few of my friends are taking their children at 2 or younger and I think that’s great if they think there children will enjoy it. I’m not judging parenting here so if you want to take your few month old child that can’t stand to get you some candy then do so! However you may have a few people that do think why does a baby need candy or why is this toddler screaming on my step or trying to come in my house. If I was to take Elijah trick or treating it would be to family members house only which we might do tonight as he’d be able to experience getting candy for dressing up with people he’s comfortable around.

On the other side of things I think there are always children to old to be trick or treating I stopped at 12/13 which I thinks the perfect age to stop. I’ve had kids that look 16/17 on my door and I’ve told them to go away. I think parents need to say to their kids do you not think you’re a little bit old to be dressing up to get candy? This also intimidated me a bit when I have rude teenagers in a gang at my door and no doubt scares elderly people worrying they’ll be robbed or hurt if they don’t give in to whatever they want or have their house egged. It still annoys me a lot of shops won’t sell eggs near Halloween as kids buy them to egg houses.

So take your kids whatever age you want but just think are they going to enjoy it or are you going to enjoy it more?

My baby is almost 2!

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

In two weeks my little guy will be a whole two years old. The time has gone so fast I haven’t took a second to pause and appreciate each and every moment we’ve had together so far. I find myself looking back at photos and sobbing because he’s grown so quickly and there’s nothing I can do to stop that.

He is becoming such a bright, loving boy and I am so proud of who he is growing into. They say toddlers are hard work and it’s not a lie although we’ve had our many ups together the tantrums can be a very big down and distract us sometimes from enjoying what is the now. I am always excited for birthdays and a excuse to shower Elijah with gifts and love and show him how much he means to every single person in his life. Here’s too the last few weeks being one and making lots of memories before we become yet another year older and I might have to stop referring to you as my baby soon. Soon we will have potty training and an even bigger attitude but I can’t wait to just enjoy you being my little boy just that little bit longer. I am privileged to be your mummy and always will be. Every time you say my name my heart beats that little but faster and my ice cold heart melts.

Am I a good parent?

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Something all parents question is if they are a good parent. If you’re a parent who doesn’t question that then that’s great for you and I aspire to have your confidence. But as one of those who find myself questioning my parenting I’m starting to think maybe that’s a good thing? Maybe I’m doing it right because I’m questioning myself and not just thinking that’s it I’m great!

I know in my heart I am a good parent. I am always there to teach elijah right from wrong. When he is upset I am always here and listening making him feel okay again. I spend a lot of time teaching him everything I know and trying my best to educate him in anyway I can. I shower him with love and try to learn from how I was raised to be better. I know that he loves me and he is never without anything he needs or sad.

But why do we question ourselves? I guess it’s human nature to second guess everything. Sometimes we have times we are exhausted and don’t have the energy to play 24/7 or sometimes we put on the tv for five minutes peace. Sometimes we feel like we’re being bad parents because we won’t let them live of chocolate and tiny human gets mad. The guilt starts at pregnancy for some parents. Am I talking to the bump enough? Is the mother eating enough and what she’s eating is it right?

It’s something that will never go away, when your child is an adult you’ll still worry if you see them enough or have done enough for them. Just remember that even when you feel you’re not a good parent to sit there and think is your child happy? Because a happy childhood is all that matters and I can guarantee your acing parenthood day by day. It’s a big bad world out there but you are a hero for making it through each and everyday.

Taking steps to be healthier.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

When I look in the mirror I always feel fat. I look online at clothes I think are gorgeous then talk myself out of buying them because I doubt that they’d look right on my body type. I eat my feelings when I’m sad and I never want to munch on a carrot stick it’s always chocolate. I have developed a seriously unhealthy relationship with food.

Since having a child I think I’ve let myself go that bit more. I struggle to eat normally at normal times. I have things that are quick and instant for me to eat which can be eaten on the go or in under five minutes. I would never give Elijah what I eat in a day everyday so why would I put that food into myself? If I say to my family do it buy him chocolate why am I then eating a sharing bag a night?

My exercise routine is non existent. I did go through a stage of running and I loved it but since it’s become colder and darker it’s more of a struggle to want to run in the dark around the countryside alone. My only excercise now is chasing Elijah round soft play or pushing his buggy round all day (a workout in itself I know).

My mental health has deteriorated and I find myself falling back into my safety net of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter mindlessly scrolling for hours to distract myself of the reality of real life. I find myself doing anything I can to stop myself feeling and end up distracting myself with the most stupid of things and making too many plans exhausting myself with all the social interaction.

So what am I doing about it? Well I’ve just put some weight on again. And I feel horrid about it. I worked so hard to go down clothes sizes and I’ve just let myself slip back again. I will not allow myself to continue to be unhappy with my body. I have developed reflux recently and after working in endoscopy for 3 years I know I need to get myself better before I damage myself. So today I joined slimming world (I know how overrated) and I’ve done a online shop and ordered nothing that is junk food. The family meals I cook will be slimming world but the boys will have bigger versions with more fatty products. I am meal planning everything I eat down to my breakfast to get into a routine and also changing it up everyday. I’m going to get back into couch to 5k and do my home workout dvd and YouTube videos. I am also going to take a detox of my personal social media. I will still be blogging as I find it therapeutic and I will use my Instagram for my blog as I only follow lovely bloggers and friends so I feel no need for competition or to judge myself or others which is something f I hate that I do. I will be avoiding the news as the comments and headlines upset me. I will take my time getting back into cooking which something I’ve always loved and cooking healthy meals will be a positive change. I’ll start reading and getting back into my personal care routing as being in a bad spot has seriously affected how I look and feel about myself.

So here’s to change whether I stick to it or not. But let’s hope I stick to it and become a healthier, happier me. Because after all we should feel happy in ourselves because we are all slaying life just by simply fighting to live another day.

We had a Halloween party!

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

As per my previous post on how I brought lots of cheep decorations for a little kids party we finally had the party last night and it went great!

We brought some food on Thursday and prepared the food overnight on Friday night and Saturday morning. I spent Friday night making spooky cupcakes and brownies and the morning making bits and bobs for the guests like hot dogs, sandwiches and more. We blew up a lot of balloons and Elijah helped (blew his hand) and threw them around the room. Elijah and I set up the tables and he brang me the decorations to put up it was quite nice working as a team.

The place looked quite nice and we just put some music in the background. We all dressed in fancy dress and had a blast doing it. Elijah loves his dinosaur outfit and will no doubt wear again. We didn’t do any games as the party was for toddlers and the oldest children where happy playing too. We just got all the toys out and the kids had a blast and let everyone help themselves to the buffet. The kids all had fun and played nicely and then we cleaned toys away and played with balloons. The children took balloons and candy home and had a fun time. It was nice as we had 9 children come so wasn’t too many people and wasn’t to hectic either!

By the end of the night when everything was cleaned away, we felt so loved to have such lovely friends. We where so greatful for all who also cooked and brought food for us all to share and had made such a effort to make them Halloween themed too! It went down a treat and a nice little party for all his friends and our friends too! We will do this again another year but for now just to relax and prepare for Elijah and his little friends birthday in a few weeks time.