Category: Uncategorized

Weekly counselling

by Charlie-Jane, posted in lifestyle, Mental health, Uncategorized

It’s a bit weird thinking about all these things that just randomly come up. Things that have happened to me and I have buried to protect myself. I’m getting to know myself finally. I think I try so hard to protect myself that I don’t even know who I am. It’s been therapeutic being able to be somewhere I feel safe to talk to someone about my feelings and my past. Someone who doesn’t know me and cannot pass judgement. It’s odd how trauma attaches itself to your memory and gets tangled up in all past experiences and you don’t even know it.

I’ve gone from going every few weeks to weekly which I think has been quite a shift. A good shift non the less as I’m more trusting and I feel I have a better relationship with my counsellor. She has picked up one of the biggest issues I have is trust. Trusting people to let my guard down and trusting people not to abandon me or hurt me. So I think creating a better relationship by seeing each other more is helping me to open up more. Last week I was actually enthusiastic about going to counselling. When I first came in I barely spoke and felt uncomfortable but the more I’ve gone the more comes out and the better I feel after.

I feel a weight is lifted of my shoulders immediately and I am able to think a bit clearer every time. I’m able to understand why I feel a certain way about certain thinks and how I process situations. Personally I think my childhood has a very big input into my behaviour and thought process. I have spent so long thinking everyone hates me and that I’m the issue when i am not. I worry everyone I love will leave me and I think it’s made me scared and a bit bitter. I am slowly understanding how to deal with my emotions which has been great and I think I might even be able to come if my anti depressants soon. I’m starting to take more time for me and for my family and to voice my emotions instead of holding them in incase j upset someone. I’ve got a long way to go but I’m so proud I’ve stuck to it and kept too a weekly appointment even if childcare can be a struggle. I know I need this for me and will continue trying to make myself better however I can. I have another counselling session today and I’m feeling positive not scared and I never thought I would be here today feeling this good.

January birchbox

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Beauty And Skincare, Uncategorized

Today my birchbox arrived and I was very excited, not just because of the fact it arrived but because it was my birthday and it was like a unexpected present! Nothing beats a package of unexpected goodies! So let’s look inside!

So what was inside? First of all the box was beautiful it’s a collab with Rochelle Humes. You know the woman from the Saturdays and talent shows now. It’s a really pretty box and looks like a marble, rose gold design. I opened it up and the products inside where so pretty and quite varied. I got some conditioner which I love because I’m actually running out of conditioner so it’ll last me till my next shop and it’s something new to try! Next up I got a vasanti brighten up exfoliating. It’s something new to try and who doesn’t live a good facial exfoliate. It’s vegan and 99 percent natural which is better than tones of rubbish being used on your face! I also got a moisturiser by green frog botanic, I’ve already used some and it smells amazing, my skin is soft and a little goes a long way. I’ll be keeping this in my bag as perfect travel size. The most extorting product was my jade roller by Melusine. I’ve wanted one for years as I’ve heard good things about the power of crystals and how great it is for skin. So it’s saved me forgetting to buy one again whenever I see one in a store. Another little cute sample was my glow milk in just dew it. I got to choose this sample which has been great as I finally get a colour that matches my skin which I love. I can’t wait to use it and it is totally adorable. I am excited for next months!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Finally it’s somewhat acceptable to officially go into christmas overdrive. The glistening of fairy lights on a tree is something that for some reason brings a warm fuzzy feeling which melts my frozen heart. The time has come to decorate the house and cuddle up under the twinkling of the tinsel to watch films with a cup of hot chocolate.

The presents are wrapped, the tree is dressed and a bauble has already been broken. I am looking forward to this Christmas because Elijah is starting to understand what’s happening. He’s just celebrated his second birthday and is understanding the giving and opening of presents. He can open his presents well and understands there’s something in the sparkly little boxes. We’ve spent this morning looking at the Christmas tree and Elijah is very inquisitive about the tree and the baubles and remembered the ones he made. I’m looking forward to finally taking Elijah to meet Santa and getting to know the magic of Christmas. I’m looking forward to making Christmas cookies, doing more Christmas crafts and activity’s. I’m looking forward to days out and spending time as a family. I’m excited to create more traditions each year which one day Elijah might pass on to his children.

I love walking through the town at night under the beautiful Christmas lights and getting a festive hot drink. The town feels happier when Christmas is near and less scary in the dark lit up under a warm glow. This year I’m planning to stay home and enjoy being a family. We always go to others houses and although I love spending Christmas as part of big happy family I want to experience one where we can relax and take it at our own pace. Where people can come ours and relax. Where we can say when dinners on the table and not have to avoid drink all day due to James driving. A Christmas where we get to choose what to watch and relax all day. We’re looking forward to Elijah receiving his gifts and opening them slowly. I’m looking forward to perhaps taking Elijah to the park and rewarding it with a hot chocolate and a film. We will enjoy Elijah playing with his toys and getting to be a kid again. We will enjoy going to others houses and spending time with friends and family while giving the gifts you’ve put lots of thought and love into! I’m so excited for this Christmas so here’s to Christmas 2019 being everything we want it to be.

Anti-depressants can help.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

I’ve always had issues with antidepressants not working for me. I’ve been on so many now and the only thing they ever really did was make me tired and did nothing for my depression. After a really bad patch I went through recently I went to the doctors and asked for help. I straight away said I want nothing I’ve had before I want whatever I try to be a big dose so it actually helps me. There was only one thing I hadn’t tried which was fluoxetine.

I’ve been on them three weeks now and I’ve noticed a big difference. I’m not going to say it’s completely cured me but it is really helping me. I’m able to let go of bad thoughts. To rationalise with my self that I’m being anxious and think a lot more clearly. I don’t get so upset or hold on to things as long. My mood swings are less dramatic and I’m certainly feeling the black cloud leaving.

I’ve always been sceptical about whether they work or not but I feel now I’ve found the right one for me. They’re in no way a cure but if it can help me be a bit more rational in my thought process then it is so much more beneficial for me than not being on them. I think having a positive mindset and keeping busy and avoiding triggers has helped me too. I’ve decided to push back my surgery which may be stupid to some but it’s caused my depression to be so much stronger and until I’m done with counselling for my last surgery I don’t think I’d be able to have it done again without a whole lot of stress again (and all the physical symptoms that have came with it like reflux, headaches, delayed period and itchy skin).

I’m hoping to continue and see how it goes. I’ve got it on a repeat prescription now so I’m hoping the effects will be long term now. There is no shame in taking medication so if you’re struggling and feel like you may need it have a chat to your g.p.

The constant battle of nap times

by Charlie-Jane, posted in parenting, Uncategorized

The one thing that is always hit and miss with our little guys routine is naps. He goes through periods where he will nap daily then he’ll refuse a nap for sometimes weeks. Obviously tired kids are not fun kids. Elijah for one becomes more emotional and prone to tantrums when he’s tired so we try anyway to get him to nap.

We try and keep to routine as much as we can. We try and serve meals and snacks the same time everyday and we try to teach Elijah that bedtime is no later then 7pm no matter the time of the year. Only on very special occasions is he aloud to stay up later such as family visits but even then he still goes to bed no later then 8. I think keeping routines have allowed him to decide whether he needs a nap or not and the length he sleeps at night somewhat allows him to be rested regardless.

Sometimes I find that Elijah sleeps better when I notice signs he’s tired. He gets cuddly, he wants to cuddle his teddies and he goes quiet. I’ll ask him if he wants a nap and of course he’ll always say no but I say let’s try. I take him to his room and tuck him in as I always do and leave him to it. He’ll normally sing to himself for a while and give up and sleep but if he doesn’t he’ll just cry and I’ll give up and we try again later. I find he naps better in late morning about 10:30 instead of the afternoon I think he gets too much energy from playing all morning and doesn’t want to stop when I try in afternoon. He also ends up napping to long in afternoons and then is more awake at bedtimes. I try not to force him to nap as I myself don’t like to nap so why would he. I find he’ll go in his buggy sometimes to sleep but I try to avoid naps in buggy when I can if he happens to fall asleep while I’m mooching round town then that’s great I get to drink my coffee in peace!

I find that Gina fords parenting books have been very good with helping me learn schedules for little ones. It has helped when he was littler to get routines which in turn I think helped him sleep through the night. We’ve had routines basically since he went in his room at 6 months old. Some may say it was too early but Elijah didn’t mind and also slept better. I think we woke him up more and he’s always been quite a independent kid in that sense. One day the naps will stop altogether but we look forward to each and every developmental stage as it comes. We know sleep is important now so try our best to keep Elijah in a routine and let him guide us. So long as he’s healthy and happy and sleeping okay we’re more than happy when he doesn’t want to nap even if it requires us parents having a few extra caffeinated drinks a day!

Quick cheap Christmas activity.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Yesterday looking for something to entertain my little bundle of energy I remembered I had brought some plastic baubles to make. I got out the arts and crafts sheet and put Elijahs apron on and we got to work.

We had some bits left over from our sensory bottles we’ve made before (I’ll do a blog post later on that). So we had sequins, balls, beads and glitter to use. Elijah enjoyed filling up the baubles and used lots of different colours. We discussed the textures, the items and the number we where putting in counting as we did. Elijah loves this and was able to exercise his pincer grab and work on his hand eye coordination. The bits where small so easier to pick up.

A quick activity which was cheep and fun and very Christmassy. When we get our tree down next week we have three lovely new baubles to put on the tree!

Want to do it yourself? We brought the baubles from tiger for 1 pound each. Glitter was a pack of four for 1 pound, sequins 1 pound, beads and balls 1 pound each also which can be found in most supermarkets and craft shops.

Starting counselling for a traumatic birth.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Today I went to meet my counsellor and make a plan for therapy. I sat in this light purple wall with a terrible (supposedly relaxing) art in a frame. There were three beige chairs with purple pillows. A heater, a big box of tissues and a clock to time sessions resting on a dark brown coffee table. Across from the white nets which draped down the windows was a fireplace (blocked off) with a bin next to it and a burgundy hardback copy of the holly bible. Apparently I might feel a bit Jesusy suffering from ptsd after childbirth.

The woman was lovely, she seemed familiar and put me at ease. She let me have a minuite in the room myself to relax and then came in shortly later to start paper work. We started with the confidentiality spiel and what would be sent to gp and my details. They stated my notes are not kept with my personal details which I guess is to make people feel more comfortable. They asked if I wanted to have a letter sent to my husband explaining I’m having counselling and it’s a difficult time. I explained he knows I’m here so there’s no point and we talk about it.

She asked why I was referred and what I wanted to achieve. It was pretty much instantly decided I needed counselling so we just filled in the gaps. I said I wanted to be comfortable and not worry about my surgery. To not be triggered by my sons birthday impending causing my depression to spike and I wanted to go to sleep without flash backs and fear. I wanted to feel like if I wanted a future child I’d not spend the whole pregnancy in a state of horror and fear.

We set up 2 dates for in December and January and I decided I would be cancelling my surgery till I am in a better head space. I don’t think I need to have exploratory keyhole surgery if it’s going to make my mental health worse and is causing the flash backs and depressive episodes. They said to leave till after my first session but that doesn’t give me enough time I don’t believe to prepare myself. I definitely don’t think one session and a months gap is going to be able to prepare me.

I’m positive about my recovery but the thought process of my surgery and having to be put to sleep again is terrifying me. I feel completely hopeless and have had at least three panic attacks since leaving the session. Who knows maybe it’ll help, maybe it won’t time will tell. If not apparently there’s always a copy of the bible to read!

Things to help parents/Carers with blood tests for babies and toddlers.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in parenting, Uncategorized

First of all I’m sorry you and your little one is having to go through this and I hope everything comes back okay. I’m giving some tips to help parents survive as we’ve had many including one yesterday. This is what helps me.

Try to book blood appointments at an okay time. Not a nap time or lunch time. I’ve had several appointments where Elijahs gone to hve bloods and cranky already as tired or hungry. These things do not help matters and can make things a struggle after too. If you can’t choose after a meal time take snacks for immediately after.

Bring bubbles or a favourite toy. Something to distract them from what’s happening. It’s horrid when they watch the blood being taken and as they get older and understand more it’s even worse. They want you to help and you can’t.

Sit in a chair with them. At the hospital we go to we sit In a chair and I cuddle him holding one arm to make sure he doesn’t grab and move about.

Keep talking to them. Distract them with things in room and tell them it’s ok and acknowledge the situation so your child understands it will soon be done.

Praise good behaviour and make a big deal about how well they are doing or did. they need to feel they’ve been brave even when they’re scared.

Explain what is happening too so they understand you are not hurting him and that it’s okay to be scared but it’s important.

Don’t wear anything that you care about getting blood on, sometimes accident happen and I’m lucky it hasn’t ruined either of our clothes but try to avoid the favourite tops and jeans. (If you get any blood on anything a bit of elbow grease or Milton for whites should take care of this). Bring spare clothes for babies and toddlers just in time.

Reward they experience if you want to. I always feel terrible I’ve put him through it so I say we’re going to go get a treat when we are finish and he gets excited. It’s normally a new toy or maybe a treat of a biscuit at the Costa at the hospital but I like to show he’s done a good job and I’m proud of him. When I give him a reward I explain why and tell him how proud I am too.

Stay calm. You’re child’s going to cry because they will feel pain. We’ve had blood tests since Elijah was a hour old and they never get any easier but just remember the blood tests are needed and for the best of their health. It’s over quite quickly and then you can go back to cuddles.

Any other questions please do ask!

Elijah is finally 2!

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Elijah celebrated his second birthday on Friday and it was such a lovely day. It’s funny how something so small as a birthday can bring family together, people come to visit you and it’s such a happy occasion. We felt so loved and Elijah was thoroughly spoilt.

We spent the day at the zoo and invited his nanny along and she loved it too! Elijah enjoyed watching animals as always and I he loved seeing the baby tigers at the zoo. We where lucky enough to watch them being fed and their growls are pretty impressive. We had lunch their and then left to spend some of Elijahs bday money at the zoo gift shop.

We got home around 2 and Elijah had a quick power nap (10 minuites). He awoke to play with his toys till some family came round. We had family in and out all night and for a treat Elijah had McDonald’s fishfingers which he loves! We did his birthday cake and he adored his slice going around the room picking everyone’s scraps of chocolate from their cakes.

Elijah was throughly spoilt but it’s not about that it’s about celebrating him and being part of the family. We all had such a lovely day and he is such a happy boy that brings love and joy to everyone he meets.

Decorating your toddlers room on a budget.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Decorating your toddlers room can be a bit confusing and a little stressful at times but fun none the less. We didn’t want to spend a fortune on decorating Elijahs bedroom as we knew he’d outgrow anything we decorated as children grow out of what they like so quickly.

We decided not to stick to a theme. Why do all bedrooms need to look the same and follow a whole style? Why stick to one thing when the possibility’s are endless! We decided to keep with a not to far out design and just accessorise. We brought vinyl stickers from eBay which are dinosaurs and easy to stick on. We got a personalised Jurassic park one two as Elijah loves dinosaurs. We also brought a light switch sticker which was from eBay too and all the stickers including some glow in the dark dinosaurs too for probably under 20 quid. We brought some blackout curtains from dunelm in a safari print in a sale again and we brought a dinosaur bedding set from there as it was lovely. Elijah loves dinosaurs but loves jungle animals even more so was so happy with his curtains. He then brought a lampshade in the sale at John Lewis also in a safari print so we then had our theme animals and dinosaurs and Elijah loves having both. It makes accessorising easier as you can choose from more than one theme.

We brought a tippee tent from a garden centre for 15 pounds and have put in the corner of his room alongside a rug we got from dunelm for 35. We’ve put some of our old pillows into a bean bag cover from eBay for 15 and living room cushions in their to make a cosy reading area. We read there every night and it’s so cosy I could sleep all night.

We recently brought Elijah a nightlight for 15 pounds which is simba from the lion king and is his favourite animal and film at the moment. Elijah also has a ottoman which is green to match his room which holds his toys and we’ve brought little Knick naks along the way. We got personalised prints made (by my cousin) so we saved money there. We brought Elijah a few more bedding sets in both styles which he loves when changed regurally.

We went to flying tiger and managed to get lots for only 16 pounds for everything pictured. A tiger head, boxes for organising toys or anything you want, hanging storage and a money box to save that pocket money. An absolute bargain for quite good quality and stylish items. If going really simple a lick of paint and these bits would be more than enough to decorate your kids room. There’s lots of other accessories and frames and prints for your kids room in the same style or other styles they sell there. If Elijah wouldn’t pull it down I’d consider a trailing plant in their and big cheese plant to make it look more like a jungle in their but unfortunately I’d end up going in to leaves everywhere. Have a shop around on Etsy and eBay and be open minded. Your kids bedroom doesn’t have to be instagram perfect because they change their minds every other day. Just buy what you think they’ll like and don’t bankrupt yourself. Enjoy! A lick of paint and a few prints is more than enough style!