Category: Uncategorized

A Caesarean section is NOT the easy way out.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Let me break this down for everyone there was NOTHING, NOTHING easy about me having a c-section. And when someone says it was the way way out it boils my blood and makes me furious to the extent I see red. Today somebody said it was the easy way out to me again and i wanted to scream. This may trigger some people who have had a stressful birth.

I had a section almost 2 years ago now. There was nothing easy about it. The anxiety I was going to die, the procedure itself, the recovery, the struggle to breastfeed, the struggle to bond just everything was not EASY. It has been 2 years and I still feel pain when I lift something to heavy or move into a funny position, when I stand completely straight or wear tight clothes I feel like my csection scar is going to rip open and my muscles feel pain like they’re being ripped apart again.When people want to make competition out of their child birth it sickens me a bit. So what you had a baby naturally and did something that’s been done for millions of years but it does not give you the right to judge others for choosing what is what is best for them and their baby. Having a baby with no complications naturally you can go home the same day and start your life. You can walk around and carry on life as normal.

With a csection you cannot just get up straight after having your baby to settle them as they cry because you’re paralysed by the drugs and pain at first. The first time you get up you require two staff members to help you out as you SCREAM in pain as your stomach muscles awake to the fact they’ve been ripped apart and it feels like it’s happening over again with no pain relief. The first time you stand up your blood gushes down your legs. Oh yeah, you bleed and hurt down below it’s not just you natural birthers that get the blood and pain as your body reacts to the baby leaving. We also get pain when peeing and pooing too. Oh yeah and imagine your first poo and pee but you’ve had all your stomach muscles ripped open aswell! Ha is it easy now to imagine pushing out a poo when your in so much pain you might just throw up too? Walking is agony, your breathless and exhausted from the surgery you stand up straight and it’s agony in your stomach. Weeks after you’ll struggle to sit up, cough, laugh or walk. You’ll struggle to breath sometimes it hurts so much. You’ll get severe back pain from the medication and ginormous needle they shoved in your back which you can feel on a cold day or just sitting years and years later you can feel exactly where the medication and needle was pushed in. If you had spd you don’t heal as quickly from not having a natural childbirth. You mentally never get over not having a natural birth and if you had to get put to sleep you never, ever get over missing your child’s birth. So the next time you want to say “too posh to push” or “the easy way out” you better count yourself lucky you never had one and hope you never have to. Most importantly keep your backwards judgements to yourself because of that csection and medical intervention mum and baby survived and without it they probably wouldn’t of.

Having a zoo pass.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

For years i wanted a zoo pass but have always thought, will i go enough? The answer has always been yes! I go at least twice a year and in those two trips i could of saved money having a pass. Since having a little one we have wanted to go and more but is such a expense so we bit the bullet and i brought them with my last paycheck. Since having the zoo pass we have been as a family 3 times. We have been with our friends 2 times and have saved lots of money on food, gift shops and even get a discount for friends and family. I even made my best friend get one and she goes all the time now!

Colchester zoo is the nearest zoo to us and we love it. It’s a short journey and there are so many animals and its so big! We never get bored and there is always plenty to do which is free. There is face painting, train journeys, enclosure walk throughs, shows and talks aswell as feeding of animals you can watch all in your visit. There’s plenty to eat and different places to go so there are lots of options from a restaurant to fast food places which we save 20% on! The gift shop is absolutely huge and we save 10% on everything! The soft play is pretty good and also free so if you wanted to take your child to soft play with a pass its essentially free!

My little guy is obsessed with big cats so he loves seeing the lions, baby tiger cubs and the cheetahs. He loves the big animals like elephants and giraffes and when hes older we will let him feed them! we love going on the train to walk around the lemur enclosure and running through the sea lion tunnel. We love letting him run round and burn all his energy and choose where he wants to go and its such a fun day out always.

It’s something i would recommend to everyone that goes to zoo at least once a year as it’s something that can be enjoyed all year long especially with toddler.It may be expensive at first but it saves so much in the long one and is cheaper than trips to various other places you would end up going instead.

1000 blog views!

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

First of all I want to say a big thankyou for each and everyone of you who have took the time to look a my blog! I’ve hit over 1000 views and I couldn’t be any prouder that people actually want to read things I have to say!

This whole experience for me has just been a fun way to express myself and sort of relax in the form of blogging. I have always just blogged about anything that pops into my head no matter if I think I’ll get any likes or views on it! It’s been a bit daunting at times thinking “should I have written that?!” But then I remind myself this is my blog and my safe space. I’m a normal 24 year old stay at home mum and wife just trying to enjoy life as much as I can and blog a bit when I’m there! I want others to feel safe here too and know they are not alone in their feelings and can come here for both positive and negative things they may experience. I want to give people ideas on things to do and to eat aswell! With that I’m back to my cup of tea and kindle to enjoy some free time while Elijah is playing round his nans. So thank you again and stay tuned for more!

Throwing a Halloween party for toddlers.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Tis the season to be spooky and it’s my favourite time of the year. I’ve been really excited to get Elijah into Halloween and autumn activity’s as he gets older so i decided this year is the year. I thought about doing a little party with his little friends so all his friends could dress up and have a excuse to eat lots of food looking adorable doing it.

We have arranged the party for a few days before Halloween at 3-6pm so that kids will of had their naps and can have food and come and go as they please. Were just going to make a buffet and guests have offered to bring a dish each to make up more food which i guess will feed the parents (meaning me) too.

Where did i get all my bits from for the party? I got them all, yes all from poundland. It all came to ten pounds and for the food i estimate will cost me 15 so a whole party for 7 kids for 25 pounds is pretty cheep i think. I brought balloons for the toddlers to kick about and take home. Some hangable decorations to decorate the room and make it a bit more spooky but child friendly. I only brought things i wouldn’t scare kids so cute little monsters are perfect for this and not scary atall. I brought a table cover, plates and napkins for kids to dish up their food and also a big bucket for candy which can be used after for trick or treaters. The two lanterns can be used as house decorations at autumn times and used for decoration for the party too.The led light ghost changes colours aswell as the projector so can light and project patterns around the room!

Did somebody say Autumn? Spooky candles review.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

It’s official yesterday was the first day of autumn! My favourite season is finally here and i can go full out chunky knit/ long sleeved goodness. I may even send james to the loft this weekend to swap my summer clothes for my winter clothes i’m that excited! The weathers getting cooler the days are getting darker and its the time of the year i can feel comfortable in my own skin layered up in a massive woolly jumper and jeans and some uncomfortable ass boots that look gorgeous on!

So i have already started my shopping with some lovely new candles from tk maxx. DW home and sand+fog are my favourite candles even over Yankee candles and i love buying them! The fragrance is so strong and when burning smells even stronger. They last a long term burning away and sometimes last weeks burning every night. The smell is strong but not strong enough to give you a headache like some candles do. The glass jars look beautiful as well.

Heirloom pumpkin smells lovely like spice something like a pumpkin spice smell. It smells a little sweet and is a calming smell and feels really homey.

Trick or treat smells exactly like fresh apples. Apples are such a autumn smell as reminds me of candy apples. Something i didn’t at all expect from a Halloween smell but it smells fresh and like something yummy being cut to make a cake.

Toffee apple smells like a burnt toffee smell. Like toffee popcorn more than a pumpkin but again smells like being inside a coffee shop and very cosy.

I CANNOT recommend the Dw candles enough they are an american brand so hard to get a hold of but whenever i head to tk maxx they are always stocked to the brim and for 12:99 for a large candle which isn’t even the size of these big ones it’s super worth it!

It is called co-parenting not baby sitting.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

One thing i find quite often since having a child is the gender roles women and men are placed into. The man goes out to work and is the one with the least responsibilities for the child while the woman is expected to not only look after the child but the dad/ house and entire world all of the sudden. Don’t get me wrong there are dads out there that are not hands on dads, who see it as the mothers job to look after the child/ them and that may work for some family’s. But i feel it is a awful amount of stress to put on someone.

When we planned having Elijah we always knew we would be a team. I have always said we are team and so has James. When he was born we have always been equal in what we do as much as we can. Ever since the early days James spending time with his son would be referred to as baby sitting. People would say to me when i was at work ” oh is the dad baby sitting?” or if James took Elijah out just them two for some bonding time the comments ” i see your baby sitting” or “i see you got left with the baby” is said. Why is the world still so sexist? I’m still a big believer in the fact that mum and dads should be equal.

I didn’t have a dad growing up until i was about 9 so having just one parent i missed out and longed for so much growing up. I was jealous of people spending time with their dads or people being walked to school by their dads. It was just the little things like when my brothers were born hearing them having dad (stepdad) read to them at night reminded me on how much i missed out on. So i guess that is why now its really important to me and to James that we do things together and make memories together aswell as having our own time with our son and specific jobs.

One thing i find is such a touchy subject is nappy changing. For some reason people make such a big deal about it. Its poop and pee clean it and get over it. Nobody bats a eyelid if the mum changes the nappy and immediately hands the baby to the mum to change a dirty nappy even if the dad is in front of them. We have had comments made about how James changes his nappy like it’s my job to change every nappy he ever fills. I just want to put it out there that yes a man can change a nappy. It is not weird. It is not for girls. It is taking care of your child. I also have found numerous times when we have gone out and James has offered to change Elijah nappy that he cannot do it because toilets in public are not always accessible to men changing a nappy. This means that there is no where to change a baby other that inside a womans changing room and that is the womans job. James has had to come home early once when he took Elijah to a play centre because there was no mens nappy changing facility so Elijah had to sit in a soiled nappy. This is so wrong on so many levels i can’t even comprehend why all places don’t just pay the few quid for a extra table in a mens toilet or disabled toilet. I always think as well what about those poor dads that have lost their partner/ or in a relationship with a man and cannot change their baby it must be absolutely terrible for them.

Taking time to do things like bath time, reading, playing games, dressing should be done by both parents so that they get to enjoy both of your company at different times or together.I cannot ever be more proud of James than when he is looking after Elijah. It is so lovely to see him and Elijah doing things together and Elijah really enjoys it. James is so hands on and i couldn’t imagine him not being. It’s nice that Elijah goes to daddy for things as much as mummy and can be soothed by the both of us.

Maybe one day we will live in a world where men are thought as much as a parent as the mum but for now we don’t. Hopefully things will change a bit more one day and dads will step up a bit more when they don’t if there wasn’t so much stigma around it. I want to raise Elijah to know its okay to be a man and look after a child and develop good relationships with his kids when they’re older if he chooses to have them. With that i’m off to go quietly sob at the fact that James came home from work early and Elijah screaming yeah that he woke him up from his nap not me and its the cutest thing ever while i type this out proving my point that daddys you mater!

Home DIY:

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Moving house is expensive especially when trying to make it your own. There is no real rush when you move into redecorate every last inch of it and that’s something I’ve lived by.

I enjoy taking our time and deciding what we want and setting aside a day to achieve it. When we moved into our house I was pregnant and the thought of any real decorating exhausted me. When we moved in we ripped out the bathroom floor and relayed it, scrubbed away the limescale and mould build up and basically disinfected everything then we painted the ceiling and wood and walls from a disgusting magnolia to grey. I love that grey and yellow are my favourite colours so I’m lucky they go together so well! We then brought some art work which are a few vintage bits and newer bits in a vintage style in different colours to bring colour. We then brought loads of storage I brought 2 units, a under the sink unit and another one with a drawer and cupboard and shelf. I also brought a mirror cabinet and some lovely metal black baskets to organise our stuff on the shelf of a cabinet.Slowly I brought ornaments like my trailing artificial plant and my succulent artificial plant and my soap dish with soap on! I brought my shower curtain from IKEA which is white and black with a nice monochrome pattern. The mat is grey and from primark it’s so soft and easy to wash too! I brought a lovely Toilet brush which is also grey but hidden away as I hate them on display! A toilet caddy for cleaning products next to the toilet that matched the rest of my white cabinets gives even more storage and looks good too better then bleach on display! When I was 9months pregnant I painted the hallway a dark purple. I hated it a month later never paint pregnant. Although the bathroom looked amazing.

A few months later I repainted the hallway a nice pastel green which looks ten times better. I plan to get a big print done of my wedding photos with everyone in to scatter through my hallway. Next job was the kitchen. We repainted all the cupboards and up cycled them. We then painted the tiles again to save wastage on getting new tiles when nails where just in need of love. We painted the walls a olive green which looks way better than it sounds and kept with a shabby chic style where we got sage green blinds and sage green oven kits and tea towels with ducks on them to match from dunelm. We have a few chalk boards with wooden backing as art work in here aswell as a wooden heart and a chalkboard beer opener which was a gift for James last Xmas. We are looking into getting a chrome sink after our granite one limescaling terrible due to a bust tap.

All of our flooring has stayed the same in kitchen, living room,bedrooms as recently latex and still looks good. We are in process of picking new carpet and underlay for stairs and hallway.

Elijahs nursery was originally painted dumbo themed but we moved him rooms into the bigger room when a small but of mould grew in the room which I treated but was too nervous to keep him in there with! We moved him into his play room/wardrobe room which is now his bedroom where he has a massive open ikea wardrobe, dinosaur stickers, jungle animal curtains and lampshade. One green feature wall makes it look great. We brought Wall stickers from eBay and stuck them up and they look great. We also ordered a personalised Jurassic park sticker with Elijahs name on. My cousin is a artist so she made 3 personalised art work dinosaurs for him which are in frames and a sign with his name with those dinosaurs behind them I know that nobody else will have this art work which is nice. We do love the dinosaur and jungle theme we’ve went for as now he absolutely adores both. They also compliment each other quite well. He also has a tippee and a long rug we have in a corner with his bean bag and pillows next to his bookshelf where we lay for story time every night. It’s my favourite thing to do. We also have some dinosaur fairy lights Elijah got from his auntie last year which we some times turn on with his ikea cloud lamp. We will completely paint this room properly at somepoint as we’ve not repainted it just decorated with art and bits but we will wait till Elijah is three and we know what he likes!

Today we did the living room. We have a living room with a dinning room attached which I love as its open means there’s more space and toys can be hidden at bedtime better. We’ve for ages wanted to paint all walls and sort the doors out as they’ve been yellow with age. So today we took on the mammoth task and three of us managed to pint the living room grey and do the skirting boards, radiator,doors and more! The room looks amazing now and I love it it’s something I’ve wanted for ages. We will keep dinning room section as is for now and just recover the white at some Point and do the skirting board when we have the time. But for now it’ll do and still looks lovely and we might even wallpaper a feature wall when we can be bothered. We have styled our living room just with things we like really and yellow accessories. The living room is more modern and the dinning room is more relaxed shabby chic/modern. But for now here’s a before and after picture, I’m off to bed exhausted and happy with our work and how much our house feels like our home.

Rediscovering my love of reading.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

One thing I’ve done since taking a cleanse of social media is read more. My books that I have been buying but not “having the time to read” had been gathering dust on my overcrowded book shelf.

Since giving up social media for my mental health I’ve had so much time! After cleaning the house I have so much free time now so I choose to read a book or watch a tv or both at same time loosely listening or reading. I read all sorts and I’m currently in between two books. I’m taking a break from reading the flat share mainly because I left it downstairs one night and couldn’t be bothered to fetch it so started a new book. I am hooked at the moment reading the tattooist of auschwitz which I’m reading on my kindle. I’ve polished of three books in the last week I have not been glued to my phone and it’s amazing I feel my brain working and like I’m transported somewhere else where the stress just disappears while i am in my imagination.

I’ve also been brought a new kindle from my lovely husband which I adore. My old kindle had been broken for a year and in usable and I hate using kindle on iPhone/iPad/kindle fire as the blue light gives me a headache and I’m tempted to go on social media or I get a notification and I’m distracted. This way it’s comfortable and feels lighter than my phone and I have a unlimited library for my books instead of my bookshelf’s pile either side that’s growing.

One thing I will recommend to anyone who’s feeling particularly stressed. Get off your phone. Search for a good book and read it. Take your time it’s no rush and relax let your mind escape and focus on something else. It also gives you something positive to talk about other than what you’ve seen of Facebook/ Twitter or instagram today.

Are you going to have another one?

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

The question every mother will get asked straight after ripping/or popping a giant watermelon sized child out of them. I think I was asked 3 days after I had Elijah and he was still very unwell at the time and the thought of me giving any attention to anything else than my son and thinking of having another child was complete madness to me. As he gets older more and more ask. Every time I see family I still get the are you having another one? Just do it now it’s easier when they’re younger! Oh go on! Elijah needs company he’s lonely! I know people never mean anything by it but it is ok to say no I don’t want another one (yet or maybe ever).

People should really think before asking this question. First of all that person could just not want any other kids and that’s their choice they should not be guilted into children they don’t want and could consequently the mother and children suffer because of this. Secondly they could be struggling with infertility, they could be trying everyday and this could really hurt them hearing these comments and feel like a failure. They could also have issues that could cause infertility and taking control by choosing not to try and the reminder makes them question whether they even could and loose that control. Thirdly sometimes people can’t afford it. People forget the cost of a child and when you throw another one in the mix you can’t treat the first one as much do things as much and sometimes you have to move to a bigger house too. Also people won’t typically watch two children at once so childcare will go out the window and your child may suffer from seeing people less because there’s a baby and unfair to the baby too.

Do I want another baby? At the moment I’m unsure. At the moment I think no. I want my son to enjoy being a baby and giving him my undivided attention. I missed out on so much went I sent him to nursery that I only have a good year before nursery starts part time, then full time then school. I want him to understand a brother or sister aswell I want him to be involved in the choice too. If we asked him if he wanted a brother or sister I’d listen to his view as much as I could because I remember being a only child going to one of three. No I do not resent my brothers for being born if that’s what you’re thinking. At the moment I’m scared I can’t have anymore either so I don’t want to try and be upset too as I suffer with endometriosis. I am petrified of having another csection and childbirth if not the case. I’m afraid of having two things to look after instead of one and I’m worried about all the fights they’ll have. For now it’s a no but I’m open to change in a few years. I definitely don’t think I would try until Elijah was in school because if want to give them both my time as much as possible not one more than the other but if it happened it happened I guess.

Just because you can’t see a illness doesn’t mean it’s not there.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Uncategorized

Suffering from mental illnesses and chronic pain can be a right stress sometimes. You have good days where you feel ok and bad days when you don’t. I have days where I feel I just need to take some me time and remember who I am and I am ok because anxiety has gotten on top of me. And I also have days where I am in unbearable pain and bed bound due to my endometriosis. As someone can’t see the illnesses they think everything’s ok. Because you’re not throwing up or missing two legs nobody actually seems to care.

Endometriosis is when the lining of your womb grows else where and can attract to other organs . When you have a period the material sheds the same but he nowhere to go so causes intense pain as you are essentially internal bleeding. Using the toilet can be horrific for both a wee and a poo. Having energy can be non existent so when I’m asked to go for a walk while I’m sat there essentially bleeding out don’t be offended when I say no. I’ve ended up with several hospital trips since having my son as it’s gotten worse after healing from my csection. I am lucky to of had a child but I could struggle in the future. I’ll do a more in depth blog post at some point as it’s not talked about I tell my friends I have it and they have no idea what it is.

Having mental illnesses can make you feel so many emotions and just plain awful. Say for example if you have a cold and you feel rotten you then take time of work? People suffering mental health illnesses feel the mindset of feeling rubbish all the time and it can create physical illnesses to by this. I’ve had tight jaws/ muscle trembling/fatigue/sleepless nights/headaches/catching illnesses from being down/stomach pain/ibs/reflux and much more. Just because you can’t see doesn’t mean it’s not real and completely debilitating to that person. And if you are going through a unseen illness understand this. Your pain is real and I see you, I see your struggles and torture you go through everyday and although I can’t see it with my own eyes I can tell that it is there.