Category: parenting

Preparing for potty training.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in parenting

The dreaded time has come and I’ve decided to start potty training Elijah next week as he is showing signs of readiness. So here we are preparing and getting ready for the inevitable poo/pee Armageddon. How will I be preparing?

For last few months Elijahs been wearing pull up nappy’s. We will continue to use these when out for a little while because if he has a accident when out I don’t drive and can get him home if he’s had a accident. I have brought some training pants and some inners to double protect them. We have several types of potty’s. I have a travel potty which can keep bits inside when out and about ready to be spilled out in a toilet. A house potty and a toilet seat potty for toilet training. I’ve brought some biodigrable toilet training wipes which can be flushed. We also have a step in the house so Elijah can wash his hands after using the bathroom and brush his teeth at the sink.

We have been talking about potty when changing his bum and when he goes to hide to poo we say you need the potty and get it out. We show him videos online of potty training songs and have brought books he’ll understand. We read his books and try our best to teach him nappy’s are not needed now. We’ve sat him on potty quite often for a little but at a time to she is used to it. I have brought Some absorbing pads to put on my sofas so that if he has a accident I’m not cleaning and claiming on my insurance for a smelly stained sofa. We are reading parenting books on potty training to try and educate ourselves. When we start we will also be using a reward chart. Although Elijah is too small to understand a reward chart he loves stickers so if he learns he can get a sticker to put somewhere by using a potty he will love it!

If any parents have any advice and tips please comment or email me! I’m quite worried about it all but we will get there!

Mental health and being a mum.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in Mental health, parenting, Uncategorized

Since having a child i have felt a strong need to be the brave one. To put on a brave face and bury my feelings. But that hasn’t exactly been the best thing for me. I feel like there will always be this stigma around mothers having to be responsible and always happy, in the real world though being a mother can be hard and struggling with mental health even harder.

My blog is my safe space so i feel like i am more able to talk about my feelings here without judgement. I have depression and anxiety and its common many people suffer and i should be able to talk about it and not feel like im boring people either. Since becoming a mother i think it has hit me so much harder and i have developed more anxiety related issues from having a child. Little things more like worrying about my son all the time, my ability to be a good mother, a good wife, to not be judged when i go out and to be able to raise a smart, kind child. It can all get a bit on top of me at times and i am not afraid to admit it. Theres days i get strong mum guilt because i think am i letting him down for feeling down or that i am not giving him the happy fun loving mum vibes that i should be giving out. You know the ones the instagram mums who have a maticulsley clean house and bake cakes every morning while dancing round the house constantly.

Lately ive been feeling down recently and its been getting to me. I know i should be greatfull for everything around me but its caused a level of fear ill loose everything. Say for example some little thing will set me of and stress me out to the point i dont sleep for days or a reach for a bar of chocolate. I think the internet really has changed people and their perceptions of real life and i feel i struggle alot because of this i cling to my phone and somewhat base my life around others which i shouldnt do. We’ve grown up with this awesome tool which has connected so many people and been a monumetal part in our evolution as humans. However this has caused people to fixate on others. For people to only show the side of them that is happy 24/7 not the real life they have. We think do we have enough money, do we have enough friends, do we have enough fame? Does it really matter other peoples perception of us and how others are living their lifes.

Being a mum can be a real struggle because you don’t only have to deal with your feelings you have to deal with theirs. If they are being dramatic having a tantrum you have to push your feelings to the back of the que and handle their feelings when you can barely control your own. Being a mum you have more stress and more things to do. You cannot have days where you just lounge around in bed feeling sorry for yourself anymore. You have to get up early get them and you ready. You have to make them dinner when you don’t want to eat, you have to be happy and not let them see you sad as they may think its them thats making you sad. You also have to leave the house when tou want to just stay in and you socialise when you cant concentrate on anything else but your child and your feelings.

As difficult as it is to talk about my feelings writing this down has made me feel so much better. I’m struggling with my mindsets on so many things especially since leaving work I worry about letting my husband and son down. I worry am I screwing my son up by not taking him out everyday and being able to send him to nursery anymore till he’s three as I’m home now. I worry am I not tidying the house enough. I worry are my friends, family’s, neighbours, strangers going to hate me for no reason atall. I worry am I a failure, I worry about everything there is to worry about and I have no idea why. Maybe I need a break from social media and just to concentrate on me? My blog and those around me. Maybe I need to loose myself to find myself again.

Toddler talk. Parent comparison.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in parenting, Uncategorized

Sorry I haven’t been present I had a sick husband and a tantrum fanatic child the last few days so we’re kind of hoping me and the kid aren’t next on the sickness bugs hit list.

Today’s topic isn’t really that different to my normal speal but it’s something I’m really noticing more and more is people’s competition between children. I was speaking to my friend today about it and she said it still happens in primary school! Now I ask, can you tell by talking to your friends which ones walked first, wrote there name first or if they where bottle or boob fed? Because I can’t. It doesn’t matter in the long run!

Milestones are only put into place so that developmental issues can be found not who’s child is better than the next. We all do things differently and we all learn differently. Children learn at their own pace and they will master things in their own little way way. You cannot just expect a child to hit 9 months and be running around singing a song!

Why do we judge others either? Why do we care if this particular child does something ours can’t. There’s been many times I’ve worried about my child because of others yet he has been advanced in many other things. I’ve worried enough to go to doctors over and over and to worry and not want to talk about my child because of it. I think people love to bost as they are so proud of their children, who wouldn’t be! But there’s only so much someone should do. For example I got a lot of parents asking me oh is Elijah not walking yet at 13 months like he was damaged or something? He was just deciding when he was ready! Because of this I wasted so much time worrying about his walking when I should of been enjoying him learning and crawling and the peace and quiet of him not getting everywhere quicker! It becomes something we all do. James tells me he’s started to judge other parents at times when we are out and about in public and he hates that he has. You just start comparing when they start comparing and sometimes you end up getting s but mad and comparing your child as if they’re better. Let’s remember they are children and so long as they are happy, paid attention to and healthy that is all that matters. And even if a child is behind it doesn’t matter. I think from now on I’m just going to stop talking about developmental things and just talk about what we’ve been up too and how much of a treat or terror he has been! Because tbh nobody really gives a shit and neither do I!

Don’t judge my toddlers meltdown I’m doing my best!

by Charlie-Jane, posted in parenting, Uncategorized

I shouldn’t feel a need to explain myself when my child has a meltdown. You see my child is one. He cannot understand what is right or wrong yet as he is still learning. Everything is new and he is gathering and learning new information everyday and using that to become a person. He gets angry when he cannot be understood by others or get his own way. I mean who wouldn’t? Shouting the same thing at someone and they still don’t give you what you want or say no? It’s like going for dinner and someone saying no to everything you want and you don’t know how to react. He will try to communicate with me and everyone around him with the only mean of communication he has ever known since the womb which is to cry. If he cry’s he knows he will get what he wants. Be it food, a cuddle or anything atall he knows he will get what he wants. But he is older now. People judge him more when he throws something he doesn’t want on the floor. Nobody would of judged him a year ago as a precious baby throwing something. He looks silly when he screams and cry’s on the floor because he doesn’t want to go in his pram or has decided he doesn’t want to walk anymore. He’s tired but he can not communicate that with you. You just guess what he wants until you understand what he wanted all along.

It’s hard on the mother too. The mother has probably dealt with a ton of these tantrums before today’s and is exhausted from the guessing games. The mother try’s everything to persuade him to behave such as snacks, water, cuddles, toys and to try and explain at times when he is not aloud something why to sort of bargain good behaviour. The mum is drained and is very nervous when in public. Not because of their child’s behaviour as this happens at home constantly because it is their safe place, but because when they are out people stare. People stare and talk and loudly moan and make the mother feel like pure shit. It’s quite normal to feel ashamed when someone is making a dig at you but you shouldn’t be. Being a mother is bloody hard work and raising a child to be a responsible, kind and well behaved child is even harder. If you see the mother trying her best just cary on your day and ignore them. They don’t need eyes and to feel the heat of embarrassment .They are already struggling with the feeling of their eyes tearing up and the lump in their throat growing larger the louder and more aggravated a tantrum gets. It’s so damn hard for the mother. The mother also does not need you getting involved and undermining her and making things worse and harder to control so just try to back off and ignore what’s going on as quite frankly it’s nobody’s business.

Mum guilt is real.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in lifestyle, parenting, Uncategorized

I know it’s not the most upbeat subject to talk about but I personally feel when you don’t talk about your feelings they spiral and get worse. Mental health discussions are ok and my inbox is always open!

What is mum guilt? Well it’s kind of a standard mothers set themselves to kind of basically be super woman. To be this domestic goddess who makes homemade nutritious meals from scratch every meal and never ever gets stressed or have a down day. It is IMPOSSIBLE not to feel a element of mum guilt especially in a generation of social media. I find social media a great tool and a good escape from the works around ya but I cannot lie there is many times i scroll through and think I’m not as good as these mothers. It can make you feel incredibly alone and down and sometimes you just can’t help it!

I will see a mother putting on Instagram that she lives this seemingly beautiful life and her children never misbehave and she has time to do everything and everything is done solo. Of course they leave out the bits where they’re children are laying on the floor in the street screaming at the pavement because they don’t know why they’re mad over something or that they do not always cook from scratch and dare I say it buy frozen food sometimes! I am always left with this guilt when Elijah is a picky eater that he’s not eating enough veg and fruit. As a baby he was incredibly good at eating fruit and veg and now all of the sudden certain colours such as green will not be touched and if I blend it into something the boy has some sixth sense and can tell without seeing or eating it. I feel awful if I spend too much time cleaning the house and not playing with him or visa versus the house is a mess.

I worry am I taking my son out enough to socialise with other children and is that stunting his emotional and social growth? He used to go to nursery two days a week until July when I stopped working and now I feel like am I depriving him of those social skills. Yet I’m out the house at least 4 days a week to see other children and friends and family to make sure he get social interaction. In the same heartbeat I am exhausted and emotionally drained as-well. If I am tired I still go ahead with plans to go out and feel like I seem moody and apologise to people and I’m not my bubbly self which I feel he’ll pick on. I also worry am I taking him out too much is he tired. Should we stay in today? I worry am I being moody today with him or is it just me?

Do I let him watch to much tv and use my phone too much? Does it make me a bad mother? In reality it doesn’t and he barely watches anything unless we are on bus, changing nappys or having some down time. Is it really any different to when we where stuck in front of tvs when we where children because I remember every minute at home being in front of a tv.

I worry so I spoil him to much and he have to many toys and treats and also do I not buy him enough?

I think the thing I struggle with the most with mum guilt is the quite simple fact of comparing myself to others. It’s something I don’t think I ever did before falling pregnant but I hate that I do. It’s so difficult not to and to always feel you’re not a good mum when you try your best. When it makes you feel sad you’re trying your best but is your best really good enough? Who knows. But what I do know mums is NO mother is better than YOU. Every mother is good in their own ways and you are doing nothing right or wrong just trying to survive and raise a child. You are keeping a life alive while also teaching that child every single last thing so that they can learn how to become a adult one day and do the same thing to their future children. Build yourself up and build others up you’ve got this you mother!

Our typical routine at 21 months.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, parenting, Uncategorized

Edging ever closer to the terrible twos and firmly set in the tantrum stage a routing is crucial to help avoid some tantrums when we can. If you’re like me and enjoy reading how others parent so I can pick and choose what works for others to try with my little one.

Morning routine:

Every morning we wake at 7 am. It used to be 6 am so I’m loving the lay in even if some days I wake before him. I come into his room and we make his bed and tidy his room if he’s made a little mess. We go downstairs and change his nappy and then have breakfast. He comes into kitchen and chooses toast or cereal as I offer him both and he can say both. He stands and waits and then goes to sit in his chair. I bring his milk with vitamins in and breakfast in and he will sit and eat his breakfast. I sit and chat to him then we wipe up and walk together to the bathroom. I’ve started introducing the toilet as he seems less scared then the potty as he sees me sit on it sometimes so he sits on potty for five minutes and then washes his hands and brushes his teeth with support. By 8 am we are all clean and he’s not quite ready for potty training yet so I’m trying to introduce it as much as possible but he will normally poo and tell me after every damn time I put his pull-ups on haha! We change nappy again and then we have some play together. We play with his cars and race and then cook In his kitchen a very questionable meal. After that we read a few story’s and do his flash cards. If I can rate one thing that’s helped Elijahs language it is the flash cards and books we read everyday. I make sure he gets atleast 25 minuites of book time each day which we read to him.

Afternoon routine:

Elijah then has independent play while I normally clean house up or I sit watching tv for a minute to relax. He will normally just go through his toy box and play with what he fancy’s and if he wants to play with me he’ll bring a toy over to me. At the moment Elijahs a bit hit and miss with naps sometimes he’ll nap and sometimes he won’t. I try to put him for a nap everyday at 11 am and if he doesn’t nap within twenty minuites or cry’s I bring him down. And give up on that one. If he does nap he’ll normally nap till 12:30 where he’ll wake and we will come down and I’ll make him lunch. After lunch we wash hands at the sink. Again independent play and then I will join in and we’ll do themed play like colouring, stickers or anything play dough.

Evening routine:

If he is particularly tired he will normally have a nap for a hour at 3 but I only put him down for this nap If he shows signs of being tired. I start cooking dinner everyday at 4pm. His dad is normally home so they play together while I cook if not I’ll let him watch something he wants on tv. Dinner is normally on the table for 5pm and I cook different things everyday from Italian to Mexican so that he doesn’t get bored of anything or into the habit of same thing every night. We sit together at the table on his booster seat. If we have friends over his high chair is used instead. We use a placemat and a open cup and knife and fork at dinner time he is quite good with spoons and forks but sometimes he gets excited and forgets to use his cutlery. I typically dish up unless it’s soup or stew onto a plate as cools down quicker and less tantrums while he waits! We’ve taught him sign language and the words all done to tell us when he’s finished so he communicates he’s done and puts his food on his plate that’s spilled and hands back to us. We then wipe up and go and wash hands or run a bath. We don’t bath him every day due to sensitive skin so days he doesn’t bath we wipe him over with a nighttime wash cloth which he doesn’t seem to kind. We sit him on the toilet again for five minuites as that’s when he passes a bowel movement but sometimes he doesn’t pass one so we put nighttime pull ups on wash hands and brush teeth. We then walk back to living room where we moisturise and then go up to his room to get changed. We come back down unless he’s tired to play with toys for half hour then go back upstairs. We read a story and put his pjs on. If he is tired after bath we put him to bed at 6. If not we take him up between 6:30 and 7. We tuck him in with his teddy and turn the lights off and then he will normally sleep through the night till the morning. One thing we have not changed since 6 months old is going to bed at 7pm as he has barely struggled to sleep through the night and I think it’s because we’ve always kept a bedtime routine from food times to going to bed time. If we are out we try and keep as close to a schedule as we can and it’s very rare he has a late night. One day we may let him stay up later but considering how little he naps he needs that big sleep and it also gives us parents a break and time to tidy up and relax.

What is your daily routine right now? Do you find your child sticks to a routine? Let me know bellow! Comment, follow and subscribe for more!