Category: parenting

Why I love the toddler stage

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, parenting

When people ask me what my favourite stage of Elijah growing up is I always say now. Maybe it’s because I love watching him grow up every day but more because I love how he is developing into such a sweet young boy.

The toddler stage may have its many TESTING and stressful moments as they learn to navigate both their emotions and learning process, but it also has its amazing moments too. Such as learning to talk more. Elijah’s vocabulary has come on so well and he loves nothing more than sharing that and whatever he learns with everyone else. I love that he has learnt to sing whole songs and keep a rhythm and is quite a good singer to be honest. I love that we’re exploring more grown up things like adventuring out without a buggy more and going to the cinemas.

I love that he’s developing his own sense of character. He is funny and try’s to be cheeky and has so many facial expressions and voices for things which I can’t help but chuckle at. I love that he wants to involve everyone in his play more now and wants to show everything and talk you through it. I love that everyday we have more complex conversations and he understands more and more. I love that he’s more direct and tells me who he wants to see everyday and what he wants to do for the day. I love that he’s getting a good memory and can remember things from the other day and talks about it again. I’m enjoying him learning more skills and manors such as tidying up and always saying please and Thankyou now without prompt.

I identify myself as a mum and that is okay.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, lifestyle, parenting

One thing that had came up several times in counselling is the feeling that I have lost my self identity. When my counsellor asked me “if I could describe myself what would I say?” and I said probably I’m just a mum. In itself it is not a bad thing but sometimes I feel like all identity has been stripped from myself because I am a mum now. In the simple fact that people ask about my child before me, my life is just a constant cycle of raising a child and when people ask me what I’ve been up to I can’t really tell them much that doesn’t involve my child. But I’ve come to think of it as not a bad thing that I identify only as a mum sometimes.

Because truth be told I’m not just a mum to my son. To him I am his whole world. Even if he’s screaming on the floor with frustration that I won’t let him have cake at 6 am in the morning. To him I’m there for him. I am always there for him. I’m there to teach him every little thing he needs to learn and I am there to wipe his tears when he’s sad. I’m there to always make sure he is happy and make memories that will last a lifetime for both of us and to shape him into the boy he will become. Yes my world may of changed and selfishly sometimes I may miss aspects of my independence but I have importance in my existence now. I have created this beautiful little life. He grew inside me, I gave birth to him and I have raised him. I have taught him to walk, talk and anything else that he does. I teach him as much as I can through play and telling him things I know. I get the gift of watching him grow up and sometimes my heart cries at how proud I am of him. I’m not just a mum. I am his mum. That makes me the luckiest person on this planet.

Why I love eating out with you

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, parenting

I love eating out with my little buddy as I think it is so good for not only bonding but I use it as a teaching opportunity. I use it to teach him how to behave in public to not tantrum and how to eat nicely at a restaurant. We use it as a treat for being good being able to eat out and if he’s been really good he may even get a dessert. I love eating out together because I love being able to spend time with him be it just us two or with friends or family. I think it’s really good to help with not only my social anxiety but to get him used to social and public situations.

Elijahs started to sometimes sit at a chair (if tall enough) instead of a high chair and no longer try’s to run away. Sometimes if he’s being a bit grumpy because he is over hungry or tired we get some toys out, do colouring and if everything else fails we allow him to watch educational videos until food arrives. If we’re somewhere child friendly we will go play till dinner time. Elijah knows there is no play or electronics when dinner has arrived and toys and phones go away. He used to have a issue with this but because we always go out he has now support the tantrums.

I love being able to share my love of food with him too and watching him try new things. I love that when we eat out he’s always so excited by his food and shows his appreciation. I do love it when he talks to other people and they smile and wave back. I love trying new places with him and finding out what he may like and don’t like. I love that we go to eat out every weekend as a family of three and love spending time out the house the three of us.

Why we love soft play

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, lifestyle, parenting

Although it can be my idea of hell, soft play is a great little place for youngsters to flourish. They learn to make friends with other children and to do things like take turns and share. They also get exercise and a space to let go and be as loud and messy as they want. It is a place you get to be a child too and run round chasing them remembering the fun of your youth. It’s somewhere you can go and take a back seat and just sit watching them play and having fun. Where you haven’t got to run round and can just breath for a little bit. As they get older you can watch from further away until they’re big kids and you could have the luxury of a hot drink while they play in peace. (I cannot wait for this day). I

t can be a place to go with other mummy friends while the kids play together you can talk. You get out of the house and you get grown up conversation while your child has a fun experience. I love watching my little guy play and have fun smiling as he realises where he is and runs off to play. I love playing with him and racing him down slides or playing in the ball pit with him and showing him how to use and play with new things. It’s a great activity no matter the weather too, because it means Elijah can keep dry and warm instead of wet at the park on bad weather days. The thing I love the most is that it keeps Elijah healthy and happy and I’m up for anything like that.

How friendships can change when you’ve had children.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, lifestyle, Mental health, parenting

Obviously you’ll loose some friends and make some new ones when becoming a parent but you never really accept it when you first see those two positive lines of a pregnancy test. You want to believe your friends are well just that “friends” and will be as excited as you when you have a child. But sometimes it goes quite the opposite way.

When you find out your pregnant everyone is so excited and they can’t wait to call themselves auntie this and uncle that, but when that baby’s popped out it’s unread messages and less interest. Maybe it’s jealously or just not wanting to be around a crying baby but you certainly see who really is and isn’t your friend.You’ve had a baby and instead of celebrating having another little friend to play with some friends go darting the other way.

You’re no longer available all the time. You’re tired and need to get childcare to go out at certain times. Some friends expect you to constantly have childcare when you see them like your child isn’t a part of you now. Conversations can run dry because you’re exhausted from sleepless nights and busy days. You don’t want to go out too long because you want to go to sleep early just incase your up all night. They get embarrassed when your kid tantrums at the dinner table and seem to think they know what’s wrong with your child and wishes you could shut them up instantly if they have a tantrum.

However you do make closer friendships with the ones who stay. You see them more, they become more family then friends as they’re accepted into your family unit for hanging out. Your friends may have kids too so you have play dates and get to watch the children grow up together aswell as you growing with them. Your friends gain another friend and it’s a joy to have them in their life’s.

Sometimes people come and sometimes people go but it’s the ones who stay that matter the most. If they’ve gone they where never really a friend if they cannot accept your family now.

Why I don’t feel bad for wanting to get married and have children young.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, lifestyle, parenting

Something I’ve somewhat been made to feel ashamed of by my single friends is that I’m married and have a child. While my dreams are different to there’s they’re not the only ones who have perhaps judged me for wanting to be married and a mother earlier.

Way back in the past it was the normal to be married early and have lots of children. However as generations have changed with the environment we live in I find people are leaving it longer to want to settle down. Maybe it’s the fact we have dating at our finger tips now, less expectations of commitment, more divorce and experience of broken homes But it’s unclear why it’s become something done later in life.

For people who want to date and just have fun I salute you. Living your best life is something you should never be ashamed of and if all you want to do is be single or stay in and out of short term relationships then you do you. If you’re happy in your own company then that’s an amazing thing being happy as you are and loving/putting yourself first.

A lot of my mum friends understand my choice to get married and have a child younger in life. They understand how it feels to be in a committed loving relationship and have goals for that to blossom. For example getting married and having more children or being happy with the one. I think being raised by a young mum has made me want that myself. My mum was 19 when I was born which meant she had lots of energy and is still quite young now. Now although I didn’t want children at 19 I had always planned in my head I wanted them about 22. I grew up pretty quickly and was always mature for my age so I feel it’s been a great asset in deciding when to become a mother. When I met James I knew I loved him and wanted to spend my whole life with him and when he proposed I was over the moon. This has meant that Elijahs grandparents are still quite young and can enjoy him as much as possible also. There’s even currently five generations in my family!

But it would be silly to make others feel bad for choosing to have a family at such a young age. Your hopes and plans may be different to others and that’s okay but we cannot judge someone for wanting different things in life. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit there’s aspects I miss of my life before becoming a mother like nipping to the loo in peace or being able to do what I want when I want. But I have been changed into this caring loving mother who is a better person. My heart has grown ten times bigger and I’m glad I’ve got to experience it for longer in my life instead of stretching it out waiting for the right time to have a child. So I don’t feel bad for wanting a baby and marriage and a house. My upbringing and my personality gives me what I want in life and I am going to enjoy where it has taken me. At the end of the day I look at my son and husband with so much love it makes me feel like I’m crying with love on the inside and that’s something I’d never want changed. Even when I’m dealing with public tantrums and the expense of a wedding it’s all been worth it.

The best sleep aids for newborns.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, parenting

When Elijah was first born it was hard, we where stuck in hospital because he was unwell. 6 days later we came home and in a completely different environment. We went from constant loud beeping of machines and other children crying to silence. We knew that Elijah would struggle to sleep because of this. Before Elijah was born I had heard about how white noise helps infants sleep so we got something ready for his birth. I sleep really well with white noise so why wouldn’t he. We brought a Ewan dream sheep which works by glowing like your womb and making noises of your heart beat and noises like rain and a Hoover. It would only come on when pressed and didn’t last long so didn’t work for Elijah.

We decided to try something else and brought him a my hummy which he absolutely loved. It worked by coming on when it heard movement and could be on all night. It made lots of sounds and had different volumes. The battery life was great and came with velcro straps so can tie anywhere, we tied to his bed, his pram, his car seat and everything. It was a little expensive but we used for months and we’ll worth it. I then sold it on eBay after and got most my money back so was great purchase all in all.

I also benefited from using my phone and my amazon or echo dot but this isn’t great as you need internet and won’t have to hand everywhere you go. However it is a lot better then his choice of song to get him to sleep at time’s too which was toto by Africa.

We didn’t find good sleep aids that where night lights or anything like that as he didn’t care for them but we did get a vtech bear that lit up playing white noise and a seahorse too but he didn’t seem to care for them yet others have loved them!

Baby’s are going to struggle to sleep and that is normal. What works for some women not work for others so if you want to try a sleep aid then do! But don’t get upset if it doesn’t work!

Elijahs favourite toys right now

by Charlie-Jane, posted in family life, parenting

Being two nothing entertains him for long so finding toys he picks up over and over again can be a little hard. So here’s a list of something’s he and his friends like which may help others with finding toys there little ones may like.

Little figures. Be it a hey duggee set, teletubies or a set of Dinosaurs Elijah absolutely loves them. He loves lining them up, putting them in things, pretending they’re playing and just holding them. They’re great for imagination and playing alone or with others.

Animals, Elijah adores his sets of animals and he loves lining them up and naming each one. He loves animals and adores playing and singing to them. We use them for themed play and playing in play doh and sand it’s something that never gets boring.

Wooden kitchen. I brought this for Christmas last year and it’s his and his friends favourite toy. He plays with it constantly every day and every child who comes over does too. He likes pretending to cook, hide things, wash things and play with his toys on it.

Shopping trolley and food. Elijah loves playing with the fake food and putting it in his trolled and pushing it around pretending his shopping.

Lego, the type for toddlers. He loves building towers and knocking them down. He also loves building blocks and stickler bricks.

Stretchy toys. He loves pulling them and stretching them and the texture.

Trains and cars. He adores these and younger and older children love them too.

What does your little one love playing with?

The constant battle of nap times

by Charlie-Jane, posted in parenting, Uncategorized

The one thing that is always hit and miss with our little guys routine is naps. He goes through periods where he will nap daily then he’ll refuse a nap for sometimes weeks. Obviously tired kids are not fun kids. Elijah for one becomes more emotional and prone to tantrums when he’s tired so we try anyway to get him to nap.

We try and keep to routine as much as we can. We try and serve meals and snacks the same time everyday and we try to teach Elijah that bedtime is no later then 7pm no matter the time of the year. Only on very special occasions is he aloud to stay up later such as family visits but even then he still goes to bed no later then 8. I think keeping routines have allowed him to decide whether he needs a nap or not and the length he sleeps at night somewhat allows him to be rested regardless.

Sometimes I find that Elijah sleeps better when I notice signs he’s tired. He gets cuddly, he wants to cuddle his teddies and he goes quiet. I’ll ask him if he wants a nap and of course he’ll always say no but I say let’s try. I take him to his room and tuck him in as I always do and leave him to it. He’ll normally sing to himself for a while and give up and sleep but if he doesn’t he’ll just cry and I’ll give up and we try again later. I find he naps better in late morning about 10:30 instead of the afternoon I think he gets too much energy from playing all morning and doesn’t want to stop when I try in afternoon. He also ends up napping to long in afternoons and then is more awake at bedtimes. I try not to force him to nap as I myself don’t like to nap so why would he. I find he’ll go in his buggy sometimes to sleep but I try to avoid naps in buggy when I can if he happens to fall asleep while I’m mooching round town then that’s great I get to drink my coffee in peace!

I find that Gina fords parenting books have been very good with helping me learn schedules for little ones. It has helped when he was littler to get routines which in turn I think helped him sleep through the night. We’ve had routines basically since he went in his room at 6 months old. Some may say it was too early but Elijah didn’t mind and also slept better. I think we woke him up more and he’s always been quite a independent kid in that sense. One day the naps will stop altogether but we look forward to each and every developmental stage as it comes. We know sleep is important now so try our best to keep Elijah in a routine and let him guide us. So long as he’s healthy and happy and sleeping okay we’re more than happy when he doesn’t want to nap even if it requires us parents having a few extra caffeinated drinks a day!

Things to help parents/Carers with blood tests for babies and toddlers.

by Charlie-Jane, posted in parenting, Uncategorized

First of all I’m sorry you and your little one is having to go through this and I hope everything comes back okay. I’m giving some tips to help parents survive as we’ve had many including one yesterday. This is what helps me.

Try to book blood appointments at an okay time. Not a nap time or lunch time. I’ve had several appointments where Elijahs gone to hve bloods and cranky already as tired or hungry. These things do not help matters and can make things a struggle after too. If you can’t choose after a meal time take snacks for immediately after.

Bring bubbles or a favourite toy. Something to distract them from what’s happening. It’s horrid when they watch the blood being taken and as they get older and understand more it’s even worse. They want you to help and you can’t.

Sit in a chair with them. At the hospital we go to we sit In a chair and I cuddle him holding one arm to make sure he doesn’t grab and move about.

Keep talking to them. Distract them with things in room and tell them it’s ok and acknowledge the situation so your child understands it will soon be done.

Praise good behaviour and make a big deal about how well they are doing or did. they need to feel they’ve been brave even when they’re scared.

Explain what is happening too so they understand you are not hurting him and that it’s okay to be scared but it’s important.

Don’t wear anything that you care about getting blood on, sometimes accident happen and I’m lucky it hasn’t ruined either of our clothes but try to avoid the favourite tops and jeans. (If you get any blood on anything a bit of elbow grease or Milton for whites should take care of this). Bring spare clothes for babies and toddlers just in time.

Reward they experience if you want to. I always feel terrible I’ve put him through it so I say we’re going to go get a treat when we are finish and he gets excited. It’s normally a new toy or maybe a treat of a biscuit at the Costa at the hospital but I like to show he’s done a good job and I’m proud of him. When I give him a reward I explain why and tell him how proud I am too.

Stay calm. You’re child’s going to cry because they will feel pain. We’ve had blood tests since Elijah was a hour old and they never get any easier but just remember the blood tests are needed and for the best of their health. It’s over quite quickly and then you can go back to cuddles.

Any other questions please do ask!